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Do you have problems having truly connected friendships? Friendship is a big topic. There are people who always seem to have many friends, and others who can't seem to find the way to make friends. Some people have deeply connected friendships, and others have only superficial acquaintances. What accounts for these differences? A part of the answer lies in Jayne's question:
Many people on a personal and spiritual growth path have read about the law of attraction. Simply stated, this law says that like attracts like, which means, in a general sense, that happiness draws happiness and misery draws misery. The law states that whatever we think about, with strong ...
______________________________________________________ Are you a person who has experienced being tuned into your spiritual Guidance, yet you frequently forget to check in, especially in times of anxiety and stress?_______________________________________________________ Gerald was raised in a family whose God was money and success. There was no religion practiced and neither of his parents had any spiritual connection. Gerald grew up focused on exte als only - looks, performance and material possessions.
James, in his middle 30s, was ready to meet his life partner, get married and have children. After dating many women, he met Cindy. "She is really beautiful, although I'm not sure she's my type. But I think she is perfect for me. We have the same interests, the same values, we go to the ...
By Margaret Paul, PhDr January 23, 2017 How fiercely and relentlessly devoted are you to wanting to love yourself and wanting to learn to treat yourself lovingly? Gerard sat opposite me at one of my Inner Bonding Intensives. "My body hurts and I feel irritated," he complained, in a way that felt like he was handing his hurting inner child to me to soothe and fix. "Gerard, do you want to know what you are doing and how you are treating yourself that is causing this pain?" "Yes, of course. I know he wants me to love him, but I don't know how."
Insomnia is quite common in our society. While there many different reasons for sleep problems - such as poor diet, too much sugar and refined carbohydrates, too much caffeine, or lack of exercise - I want to share two major causes and the solutions to these. Ironically, one of the major causes ...
Are you longing for connection? Discover what you need to do to create loving connection with another. Deeply connecting with another is one of the great joys of life, and is something most of us long for. Deep connection takes away loneliness and gives us the experience of being deeply known. We feel safe and loved when our hearts connect. Research indicates that the happiest people in the world are those who live in communities where they feel connected with each other.
All of us have 'triggers' that set off our fear or anxiety and may lead to our reactivity - anger, defensiveness, withdrawal, compliance or resistance. We are especially triggered in our important relationships. Take a moment right now to think about what, in your relationships, triggers you into your fear or anxiety. Are you triggered by:rn-Another's anger, annoyance, criticism, judgment or rejection?rn-Another's withdrawal or resistance?rn-Another's unhappiness, whining or complaining?rn-A partner leaving on a trip?rn-A partner coming home late and not calling?r
Frequently, my clients and members of our website ask me, "Is my relationship healthy? How do I know if it is healthy?" Just as physical health is on a continuum, emotional health and relationship health are also on a continuum. And, like physical health, each person may have different criteria regarding what constitutes health. For example, some people say they are very healthy if they get a cold or flu a few times a year, while others' health criteria is that they never get sick at all.
Seema asked me this question during one of my webinars. It’s a question that I‘m often asked. “I seem to attract men who are often narcissistic, selfish, cheating and abusive. As much as I try to not repeat this pattern and learn my lessons and grow, I still find myself with this type of person. My dad had all of those qualities too. What am I missing and how do I finally stop this cycle?” There are two very different answers to this question: One answer is that there are many narcissistic people, so the chance of meeting a narcissist when you are dating is quite high.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. February 29, 2016 Are there people in your life and wounded parts of yourself who want to limit you from being in your personal power? How many of you had the experience growing up of being told in various ways to not claim your personal power and instead limit yourselves from being all you can be? Do you remember the cartoon movie "The Incredibles"? This older movie is a wonderful metaphor for this. In The Incredibles, the superheroes - those with extraordinary powers - are restricted from using their powers.
When I was four years old, I had one of those snapshot moments that is clearly embedded into my brain. I was outside by our duplex – at that time kids were safe outside alone - and there were three boys poking a snail with a stick so they could watch it writhe. I was stunned that they could do this, because I was feeling the fear of the snail. At that time I didn't know that I was an empath and could feel the feelings of people, animals and even the planet, and that many others couldn't.
"I was up too late with my friend Peg last night," Abigail told me in our phone session. "She was needing to vent. Then I had a problem falling asleep, but at least I was there for her." "How often does this happen?" I asked her. "Oh, fairly often. At least every couple of weeks." "Why do you ...
Do you believe that it is your job as a parent to have control over your children? Do you find yourself trying to control your children in the ways your parents tried to control you, or in the ways you learned from siblings, friends or relatives? Do you hope that through yelling, threatening, ...
Your pet knows the truth of who you are! Many of us know how unconditionally loving most dogs naturally are – unless they have been abused. Even if you don't have a dog, you've likely seen the joy they express when their person comes home after being gone for even a few minutes. If you have a dog or another pet who loves you, what would your pet say about you if he or she could talk? Take a moment to imagine what your pet would say.
While it is probable that no one consciously sets out to create a life of substance abuse, those who end up addicted to substances are choosing certain thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors that will likely end up leading to some form of substance abuse - drugs, alcohol, nicotine, food, junk food, ...
If you grew up in a family where one or both parents used anger to control you, then anger likely plays a role in your life now. Did you grow up with anger in your household? Did one or both of your parents use anger as a way to keep you in line and have control over you? How did you respond? - You complied, trying to be the good little girl or boy and do what your parents wanted, hopeful that they wouldn't get angry so often.
We all love to feel full inside, which is one of the reasons why eating too much is such a challenge for a lot of people. Yet, as soon as the food digests, many people go back to feeling empty, searching around for more food or something else to fill them up again. Feeling empty feels so awful ...
Does anger have power? Are you being powerful when you are angry? The answers to these questions depend on what you mean by power.
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. July 11, 2016 Do you allow others to dump their negativity - their complaints, judgments, anger, self-centeredness and sense of entitlement - onto you? Carmen, a client of mine, told me at the end of one of her sessions, "I'm no longer willing to be a trash can for others' negativity." "Wow!" I said. "I'm delighted to hear that! And I love that metaphor!"
Passionate Purpose, Vibrant Health! A 30-Day at home Experience with Dr. Margaret Paulr The next course will start on June 26th, 2019, and is offered only once a year. https://innerbonding.com/video/mp4/Passionate_Landing-Page.apple.mp4 Are you ready to discover your calling, and have the health and vitality to pursue it? Passionate Purpose, Vibrant Health! A 30-Day at-home experience with Dr. Margaret Paul, to discover your passionate purpose, enhance creativity, and create a joyful, vibrantly healthy life!
Emotional intimacy is one of the most wonderful experiences we ever have. Nothing else really comes close to the experience of sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings with another, of being deeply seen and known, of sharing love, passion, laughter, joy, and/or creativity. The experience of ...
Jennifer consulted with me regarding her 18-year marriage. "I just don't know what to do. I believe in marriage, and I have tried to believe in my marriage. But Jake's drinking has been getting worse and worse for most of our marriage, and so are his rages. Occasionally he has hit me, and last ...
Do you sometimes wonder why you feel so drained after being with some people, while you feel energized when being with others? Some people are energy vampires, and actually drain energy from you. How do they do this? What can you do to avoid this? WAYS PEOPLE DRAIN ENERGY Sometimes the ways ...
How much of your behavior is in reaction to your partner? What do you do when your partner:nn* gets angry or irritated with you? * withdraws from you? * is blaming or criticizing you? * misunderstands you or is not seeing you accurately? * is always busy? * is complaining, needy, or pouty? * ...
By Dr. Margaret Paul May 16, 2016 Are you using your spirituality as a "spiritual bypass" to avoid feeling your feelings and taking responsibility for them? Lian had been meditating for many years before consulting with me for his depression. He had been part of a spiritual community that encouraged their members to turn to God through prayer and meditation whenever they were feeling any difficult or painful feelings such as anger, hurt, anxiety or depression. He had been taught that Spirit would transmute his feelings for him and bring him the inner peace he sought.
Marina asked: “I often go out of my way and do different things for my fiancé. For example if he wants me to stay and do something with him, I cancel what I have to do and stay with him. But he never does the same. He takes care of whatever he feels he needs to. Then I’m filled with resentment towards him. Can you explain what is a loving way to be in relationships? Do we just do what’s best for us or do we have to sacrifice at some point to make the other person happy?”
Our feelings are an incredible instant feedback system regarding what is good for us and what is bad for us. For example, our physically painful feelings let us know that something needs attending to regarding our physical body. If you put your hand on a hot stove, the burning feeling ...
Guilt is the feeling that results when you tell yourself that you have done something wrong. Healthy Guilt Healthy guilt is the feeling that occurs when you have actually done something wrong - such as deliberately harming someone. This is an important feeling, which results from having ...
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. April 25, 2016 ________________________________________ Healing from a relationship with a narcissist is a learned process. Learn it now! ________________________________________ Many of us have been there. You met the person of your dreams – charming, intelligent, romantic, attentive, incredible chemistry and great lover. You might have been told how wonderful you are, how this was the first time your love had ever felt this way and had this level of connection, and you felt truly seen for the first time.
"By the right choice and true application of thought, man ascents to the Divine Perfection; by the abuse and wrong application of thought, he descents below the level of the beast. Between these two extremes are all the grades of character, and man is their maker and master."nn-As A Man ...
Do you believe that you need a partner to be happy? My client, Adrienne, an attractive woman in her 50’s, has been married and divorced twice. She was unhappy in both marriages, but she still believes that she needs a partner to be happy. This belief continually leads her into inappropriate ...
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. August 29, 2016 Learning how to trust again is a process, not an event, and it take both inner and relationship work. I received the following question about how to trust again:
________________________________________ Do you keep attracting narcissistic or emotionally unavailable partners? You CAN learn to attract a healthy partner! ________________________________________ Have you found yourself continually attracting the same kind of unhealthy person into your life, such as people who are narcissistic or emotionally unavailable? This is the situatio Connie finds herself in.
This article on CNN Health - http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/08/17/bitter.resentful.ep/index.html?&hpt=hp_c2-by Elizabeth Cohen, is very interesting, regarding the negative health effects of blame and resentment. "Feeling bitter interferes with the body's hormonal and immune systems, according to Carsten Wrosch, an associate professor of psychology at Concordia University in Montreal...."
In my counseling practice, I often hear the question, “How do I end a relationship without hurting someone’s feelings?” Whether it’s a romantic relationship or a friendship, ending it gracefully is generally a challenge. The problem arises because so many people see it ...
By Margaret Paul, PhDr October 31, 2016 Do you have major challenges in emotionally connecting with your family of origin? You are not alone! Are you happy with your family of origin? Can you emotionally connect with your family? If you can, you are fortunate indeed. Many people feel that if their family wasn't their family, they wouldn't spend time with them, because they feel no emotional connection with them.
Is there a difference between loving yourself and loving others, or are they one and the same? ________________________________________ Have you ever been confused about the boundary between loving yourself and also being loving to others?
Bobbie and Mac sought me out for couples counseling because they were on the verge of divorce - after 25 years of marriage. Both had years of counseling, yet they could not find their way through their relationship problems. Bobbie described her experience of their relationship: "I love Mac ...
Mandy and Evan consulted with me for couple’s counseling because they were always bickering. Every little thing seemed to become an issue between them. They loved each other very much, but the bickering was certainly getting in the way of enjoying each other. I ask Mandy and Evan to come ...
Do you sometimes look back and feel as if you have wasted your life caretaking others or trying to get others to take care of you?
What is life REALLY all about? It's all about love! But what does this mean? Most people, when thinking about love, think about BEING LOVED. But, as an adult, the deeper soul's journey is not about being loved - it is about BEING LOVING. For small children, the main focus is on being loved, ...
William grew up with a mother who was depressed much of her life. As the oldest of three children with a father who was not around much, William took on a lot of responsibility for his mother's wellbeing. He grew up as a kind and caring man, believing that he was responsible for another's ...
Haley, 38, consulted with me because her boyfriend had just broken up with her. Shocked and broken-hearted, she tearfully told me about how wonderful he was and about how she didn't know how she could survive this break up. Haley and Owen had been together for over 2 years and were making plans ...Haley, 38, consulted with me because her boyfriend had just broken up with her. Shocked and broken-hearted, she tearfully told me about how wonderful he was and about how she didn't know how she could survive this break up.
What are you afraid of if you say "No" to people? Here are some of the things my clients have told me regarding their fear of saying no: "I'm afraid of hurting their feelings. Then they will get angry at me and I will feel like a bad person." "I'm afraid of ending up with no friends.
Understanding healthy eating has become a huge challenge in our society. Our ancestors living thousands of years ago did not have this challenge. They ate what grew and what they could catch. Before the advent of agriculture, people ate what was naturally supplied. While I have been studying ...
By Margaret Paul, PhDr January 10, 2017 How often in your life have you felt that magical feeling of deeply connecting with another? Learn how loving yourself leads to having much more of this in your life. As humans, we are hard-wired to want to connect with each other. Until 10,000 years ago, all people lived in tribes where families stayed together through the generations, and tribes stayed together, deeply connected with each other and with the planet.
Lily and Don, both in their 40s, decided to get married after dating each other for a year. Lily’s children were in college, while Don still had children coming to his house every other weekend. They discovered early in their marriage that it was one thing to date and quite another to ...
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. These three simple – but not always easy – choices can create such incredible joy! One of the things I love to do is walk every morning out in nature and do my Inner Bonding process. I've been walking almost every morning for at least the last 40 years, and doing Inner Bonding on my walk for over 32 years. It's on these walks that I receive the most information from my spiritual Guidance. Recently, my spiritual Guidance deepened my understanding regarding how to stay joyful all the time. She deepened my understanding of three major choices that sustain joy.
Robyn and Dennis, together for three years but not married, consulted with me because they couldn’t seem to connect with each other. They loved each other but Dennis felt that Robyn had a wall up that stopped them from getting close. When Dennis stated that he experienced Robyn having a wall up and he wanted to understand why, her response was that they both had a wall up. Dennis said he felt open to Robyn and really wanted to connect with her and that he wasn’t aware of a wall.