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An article in The Thrive Centre For Human Development stated that self control and patience predicted better performance and higher self-esteem. In this day and age of technology and fast paced living, patience seems to be more and more challenging to practise. Here’s a short story that will put patience in perspective:
We often hear the word “purpose” in the personal development field. One of my favourite lines that I use in my speeches is “Find your purpose, and live it with passion”. Yet, sometimes we need more clarity on the word “purpose” in the context of personal development. If I were to ask you right now, “What is your purpose in life?” would you be able to give me a clear answer without over-analysing it? Have you ever asked yourself that question? Please take a minute to reflect on that question. What answer immediately comes to your mind?
Have you ever felt like you needed motivation? Has anyone ever asked you to give them motivation? The word “motivation” is something that we hear much, yet sometimes we may not understand it enough or may not know how to make it work for us. While I have written two previous articles on motivation, this time I am writing to you about how you can apply (practically) motivation into your life. My point is this – it is one thing to be motivated to do something, it is another thing to take action and do that something!
As an anti-bullying campaigner, I often speak to kids (and adults alike), who tell me about the challenges they face when they are getting bullied. This article is not about bullying. Instead, let’s focus on something simple that is available to humans – the ability to choose. We can either choose to accept something or refuse something. Let me share a story with you. About four months ago, I received an email from a lady whose daughter was getting bullied at school. This child was 11 years young at the time.
“Adapt or perish”. Have you heard that before? It is said that the only two certainties in life are death and taxes. Well, let’s add another one – constant change.
Recently I was asked by a Life Coach about what I taught my clients regarding purposeful behaviour. Now, some people will tell you that behaviour is driven by your values! My question is, what are your values driven by? Please think about that for a moment! I advised him that my belief is that Awareness leads to Attitude, Attitude leads to Habits, and Habits lead to Action (Behaviour). So, here is my 4 steps process to creating and maintaining positive behaviour!
Have you ever been belittled? Has anyone close to you ever put you down in the presence of others? How do you normally react when someone does that you? I can safely say that everyone (to some extent) has been subjected to the above-mentioned. On my Life Skills radio segment, a listener asked a question (and, in all honestly, I have forgotten her name). She asked: “How do I handle myself when someone is putting me down in front of others?”
What is personal power? Your personal power is based on your thoughts, your feelings, your experiences, and your knowledge. We all have personal power within us. The level of this personal power varies from individual to individual. The way that this personal power is used also varies from person to person. Right at this point, please pause and ask: “How much do I know about my personal power?” Please respond to that question in as much detail as you possibly can.
An important life lesson that I learnt came from one of the golden rules in public speaking - focus on the connection, not the content. What this means is that the connection a speaker has with the audience is more important than the actual content of the speech.
On my Personal Development radio segment, I revealed my 7 Steps to living with Purpose & Passion. So here they are: 1. Make a gratitude list daily – you must have something to be thankful for! Make a very comprehensive list of what you are grateful for, every single day. Then read this list while feeling the gratitude. There is little point in just reading or repeating it, without being emotionally engaged. As you read each item on the list, remind yourself of how much of a positive difference it has made in your life!
Life will always throws challenges at us. That is a given. I believe that if there were no challenges in life (or ups and downs in life), life would become mundane. As Tony Robbins nicely put it, “Challenges are required for growth". If life was always smooth sailing, there would be no room for growth in any aspect of our existence. We would become stagnant and not move forward. One of the keys to overcome a challenge in life (according to my experience and research) is the ability to embrace acceptance.
When was the last time someone told you about something they wish to achieve? Whether they are looking at doing something big or doing something minor, there is an underlying reason for wanting to achieve that goal. At the end of the day, what most people seek is joy, fulfilment, pleasure, and a sense of achievement. One thing that I am very emphatic on is clarity. So, the next time you wish to do something which will give you joy, fulfilment, pleasure, and a sense of achievement, please gain clarity on four things in particular. And, here they are:
When I was doing Life Coaching, every single client that I had, wanted one thing (in some form or another) – motivation! I believe that motivation is something that we all want. Yet, some people cannot seem to actually acquire it. Motivation can be a very commonly spoken about subject. And, some people do not understand how motivation actually works. The interesting thing is that some people seem to mistake motivation for inspiration. They think that both words have the same meaning, and they often use one word for the other. Let’s look at motivation and inspiration.
In May 2010, I was called upon to deliver a speech at a leadership convention. It was a cold autumn’s afte oon, as I drove to the venue of the convention while thinking about how to add more impact to my speech. Although I was asked to speak about goal setting, I decided (in the last minute) to incorporate the importance of self image into my speech. What some people do not realise is that there is a direct correlation between your self image and the goals that you set (that is if you are into the habit of goal setting).
Do you have expectations of anyone in your life? Do others in your life have expectations of you? Do you have certain expectations of yourself? Today, we will look at some (not all) aspects of expectations. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines expectation as "The act or state of expecting". For the purposes of this article, let’s focus on expectations on a person-to-person basis. First, let’s break it down into two common types of expectations:
In February, 2014, I started training at an MMA (mixed martial arts) gym. At the front door of that gym, there was a poster, which said: “1 hour is just 4% of your day. So, what is your excuse not to exercise?” That statement really puts things into perspective, regardless of how busy you are. According to Nielsen Media Research, the average adult in America watches 5 hours of television a day. In my home country of Australia, the Australian Multi-Screen Report estimates that the average Australian adult watches over 3 hours of television a day.
In his book Public Speaking For Success, Dale Carnegie gives accounts of many people of knowledge who did not publicly share what they knew, purely because they were gripped by the fear of public speaking. When I first stepped into the public speaking arena, I thought that confidence was all that I needed to become an impactful speaker. That was far from the truth.
As a Counsellor and Life Coach, self care has always been very important to me and to the people I have supported (in a professional capacity). Self care is something that I always advocate. However, self care can sometimes be misunderstood. To gain some clarity on this topic, I refer to an article by Megha Pulianda (a Ph.D. student in counselling psychology at Texas Woman’s University). She states “Self-care is anything but a one-time act. It is a mindset and a process”. A process indeed!
June 2011 saw the successful launch of my very first book, WELCOME TO YOUR LIFE – simple insights for your inspiration & empowerment (www.WelcomeToYourLifeBook.com). Throughout the whole process (from writing the manuscript, to releasing the book), I learnt many valuable life lessons, which I am sharing with you! So, here they are:
This year will be over in a matter of days. Then, 2014 begins. I would suggest that you take a long and hard look at 2013 (the year that it was, for you). While I realise that some people may say that the past is irrelevant, I strongly believe that the past can teach us a great deal. So, please look at 2013, and ask yourself the following questions:
One of the world’s foremost leadership experts, Dr Marshall Goldsmith (who is like a virtual mentor to me) once said “Personal contact matters — and matters greatly”. When I was an Executive Coach, I came across many CEOs and MDs who were very emphatic on the personal touch. Regardless of whether you are in a leadership role or not (in a professional capacity), you must have come across situations where you acted as a leader. Leadership is a very wide and deep area, and it covers many aspects of human behaviour.r
Have you ever wondered “What do I need, if I am to achieve something that I really want?" Well, there are, and there will be various factors that determine whether you achieve what you are striving for. Here are 5 keys that can be at your disposal when you are striving for an achievement:
Grief is a part of human life, we all experience it during our time on earth. We generally tend to experience grief during a time of loss. Grief can consume us to an extend that getting through the day can be very challenging! Although there might not be any getting away from grief itself, there is always the opportunity to change your perspective on grief. So, here are some simple insights on overcoming grief:
A very happy new year to you! I hope that you really enjoyed the Christmas season with family and friends. Seeing that now things are getting back to the normal routine (people are going back to work, and children are preparing to go back to school), we must focus on what we can do to make the year ahead a productive and purposeful one. Now, I won’t give you the ‘stock standard’ advice about the new year – make a resolution, stick to it, and encourage others to stick to their resolutions.
I came to realise the numerous benefits of exercise at a very early age. So, I have made a commitment to myself that I will run every morning, from Monday to Friday. There is a football oval near my house where I go to, for a run in the mornings.
Do you know what your mission in life is? Do you realise what your purpose in life is? Do you have a vision for your life? Some companies and organisations have a vision and mission statement. They do their best to get their staff to live by the vision or mission statement. Your life is unique, and unlike a business or an organisation, your life does not have staff who are told to live by the vision or mission statement. There is one leader in your life, one staff member in your life, and one decision maker – YOU!
Motivational speaking legend Les Brown speaks about a study conducted at M.I.T (Massachusetts Institute Of Technology). The study concluded that every time a person directs a negative statement toward you, it takes 17 positive statements just to neutralise the initial negative statement! Think about that – one negative statement vs 17 positive statements, and then the impact on the individual becomes equal.
Have you ever wanted to do something that seemed important to you, but you didn’t go ahead because you were gripped by the fear of failure? If so, you are not alone. The fear of failure is a crippling force that affects almost every single human being. Why? In an article in Forbes, Vanessa Loder wrote “When we go outside of our comfort zone, we feel scared.” She hit the nail on the head by using the word “scared”. That is the reason why the fear of failure grips so many of us when we wish to take giant leaps in our personal lives or professional lives.
You may have heard that a person’s attitude is very important when it comes to facing challenging situations, which life sometimes (or often) throws at us. A question that I propose to you is this; does your attitude define you, or do you define your attitude? Please have a think about that question before continuing to read the rest of this article. So, here are my 7 Steps to Creating & Maintaining a Positive Attitude
On a particular Wednesday morning, I was waiting for a tram, after consulting with a client. A lady walked up to the tram stop, while pushing a walking aide. As soon as we looked at each other, we smiled. In a recent edition of my newsletter - Ideal Insights (www.impetussuccess.com.au), I spoke about the power of a smile, which is an exchange of positive energy. I started a conversation with her, and then we boarded the tram. I sat next to her, and we spent the next 20 minutes, having a friendly chat.
Many experts in the field of personal development or motivation have told us to focus on the reasons why we should do whatever it takes to achieve a goal. A common statement that I have heard many a times over the years of studying personal development is “What is your ‘why’ for achieving a goal, or for living to the fullest, or for making positive changes in your life?” During my years as a Life Coach, a common question that I used to ask my clients who sometimes got side-tracked was “What is at stake here?”
During my days as a Youth Mentor, there were many young people who needed support in either getting their life back on track or in achieving something they desired. Some of the youth were very challenging to deal with, let alone provide support to, in a professional capacity. The key was to engage with them using empathy and compassion so that they opened up. The Youth Mentor’s role was to guide them in taking productive action. There were two types of actions that they would take:
During my last radio segment on Personal Development, I discussed the importance of self image with the listeners. Why did I choose to discuss self image? I believe that it is one of the most important factors when it comes to determining the quality of your life. Self image is different to self confidence. Self image is how you see yourself, where as self confidence is how you feel about yourself. Both are important to you. For now, let’s focus on self image!
In my experience through working with youth and with people with mental illnesses (such as depression), I have discovered that support from a human being can go a very long way in creating positive changes. This also applies to the workplace and at home. Support can be very uplifting in showing a person the possibilities that they may not be able to see by themselves. In many of my speeches (be it in the corporate world or at schools), I have said “You can get more out of a person by lifting them up, than by putting them down”.
I volunteer at a Mental Illness Drop in Centre in the northern suburbs of Melbou e, Australia. Next to the drop in centre, there is a Men's Shed, where men who are mostly retired come together to do wood work and metal work. It is also a place where these men meet and bond. I sometimes wander into the Men's Shed to say hello to some of them men, whom I now know on a first name basis. Just recently, I went to the Men's Shed and noticed a new face. He was a short and slim elderly man, with grey hair pulled back. So, I decided to introduce myself, and we started a casual conversation.
You must have faced obstacles in your life time. I can safely say that every single human being on the face of this planet would have faced obstacles in their lives, and will face obstacles in the future. Sometimes we tend to exaggerate what an obstacle is, and we may get disempowered in the process. Firstly, let’s have a look at what an obstacle is. For some people, an obstacle is a blockage, a road block, a hurdle, or it is something which they put in the ‘too hard’ basket. For others, an obstacle is an opportunity, a challenge, or a rewarding experience.
As we start another year, people everywhere are looking for certain things in 2012. Well, whatever you are looking for, you will need to be well prepared for the opportunities, challenges, and rewards in 2012 So, here are my 7 Steps To Creating A More Rewarding 2012.
People around us will intentionally or unintentionally pick up things from us (from our behaviour, our words, our expressions, our connections with other people). Children are a prime example of this. They are very quick to pick something up from adults around them. I believe that it is purposeful to always be open to gaining and learning from other people. Having said that, what we choose to pick up from others, is purely at our discretion. I believe that we can be influenced by the negatives and positives in every individual.
Many years ago, I read a quote by the legendary Jim Rohn who said “If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.” That is so pertinent to almost anyone alive today. What is a risk anyway? It is the exposure to the unknown. It is being vulnerable to loss. It is a gamble. What is the opposite of risk? The opposite of taking a risk is called certainty. Please think about the following questions for a moment: • Are you mostly taking risks in life? • Are you mostly looking for certainty in life?r
When I was the lead trainer of an organisation called Speak To Influence, we traveled the country, delivering staff training to medium/large companies. We taught the attendees of our training sessions how to be influential while communicating (be it one-to-one communication or one-to-many). While there are many experts on communication out there (and they all specialise in their unique messages), there is one common denominator when it comes to creating influence. Many sales trainers will talk about this common denominator, and suggest that it be used in the sales process.
In June this year, an opportunity presented itself for me to do volunteer work in a remote Aboriginal community. It was located in northern Australia (East A hem Land). Most of us who live in big cities can only imagine what life is like in remote Aboriginal communities. Living there is an experience that cannot be fully defined in just words. One has to be there to fully immerse themself into the rich cultural and traditional understanding of such communities.
In the September, 2014 edition of Ideal Insights, I wrote about habits (how they are formed and how they can be replaced). In that article, the emphasis was on the fact that a habit has to be replaced, not just removed. In my coaching and mentoring career, there have been countless clients who wanted to give up an unproductive habit. My emphatic message to them was that they must look for ways to replace that habit. If you are to get rid of a habit, please remember that a void will be formed.
What do you think someone will think of you, or how will they feel about you when they meet you for the first time? What type of ‘mark’ will you leave on them? Have you ever met someone for the first time, and thought or felt “There is something significant about this person?” I read a quote many years ago which changed the way I conducted myself in a professional capacity. The quote was “You never get a second chance to make a first impression” by Will Rogers. Then, I extended the influence of this quote to my personal life.
I regularly train at a local boxing gym in a northern suburb of Melbou e and recently I was fortunate enough to meet an amazing man, Adrian Charter. Now, Adrian comes to the boxing gym to train, just like me. The difference is, I am 31 years old, and Adrian is 72! I watched Adrian as he was training, early on a Sunday morning, and he was hitting the punching bag harder and quicker than most men in their twenties would! Later on that morning, I had a chat to Adrian because I was very intrigued about his level of discipline.
On 21 June, I was fortunate enough to attend a presentation by Dr Sarah Hanieh (research fellow) at the Doherty Institute, and recipient of a PhD in Medicine from The University of Melbou e). She titled her speech “Breaking Through The Ice”. The insights in her presentation were based on her adventures during a trip to Antarctica through the Homeward Bound Project (a ground-breaking leadership initiative for women in science, set against the backdrop of Antarctica, which aims to heighten the influence and impact of women in making decisions that shape our planet.)
It is said that the number one skill required in being able to communicate effectively is the ability to listen. As you might already realise, listening is different to hearing. There is a lot of buzz about active listening – where your focus is entirely on the words that are coming out of the person you are listening to. Active listening makes the person talking feel like they are being heard. Now, that is a good thing by any account. If you wish to take it up a notch, then please practise empathic listening. What is empathic listening?
In one of his recent articles, New York Times Best-Selling Author and Leadership Specialist, Dr Marshall Goldsmith spoke about feedback and feedforward. I have considered Dr Goldsmith to be a virtual mentor for the past 6 years. His articles are always insightful. On a personal note, he has been very helpful to me whenever we have been in contact. In that article, Dr Goldsmith mentioned that feedback is often necessary, while feedforward has to be forward-looking, positive, and non-judgmental.
What is it about you that sets you apart from the masses of the population? Have you thought of doing something that is considered significant? Would you like to do something that will be considered significant? Creating something significant in your life is not just about being successful at what you do. It is also about making an impact and leaving something behind, long after you are gone. Please pay particular attention to the following question, and answer it from your heart: What would you like to be remembered for? Think about this question.
An impression is simply a clue. A fact is something that you believe (through information). When was the last time you formed got an impression about someone or something that was not based on a fact? When was the last time you based something on what you thought was a fact, and it turned out to be the exact opposite? Impressions are formed. A fact is received information. Now, let’s break it down into a real life example:
What is self love? Self love is the process of acknowledging, validating, honouring, and respecting yourself! So, why is self love important? The importance of self love can be traced back to the effects of nurturing yourself. When you nurture and support yourself, you are in a far better position to do the same thing for others in your life. It is basic human nature to support others. The early man lived in tribes where most things were done due to a collective effort! If you support yourself, you will get better at supporting others.