Articles
Browse every published article connected to Sam Vaknin, with exact attribution and full-archive search.
Articles
Browse every published article connected to Sam Vaknin, or search within this exact expert archive.
The Five Factor Model deals with the healthy, normal personality. Not so other factor models. In 1990, Clark and a group of researchers constructed an instrument with 21 dimensions, based on the criteria of personality disorders in the DSM-III, on various scholarly texts in the field, and even ...
Before we proceed to outline the psychological profile of the stalker, it is important to try and gauge the extent of the problem by quantifying its different manifestations. More plainly, studying the available statistics is both enlightening and useful. Contrary to common opinion, there has ...
The abuser often recruits his children to do his bidding. He uses them to tempt, convince, communicate, threaten, and otherwise manipulate his target, the children's other parent or a devoted relative (e.g., grandparents). He controls his - often gullible and unsuspecting - offspring exactly as ...
Notes of therapy session with Magda, female, 58, diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) Magda is distressed when I reschedule our appointment. "But we always meet on Wednesdays!" - she pleads, ignoring my detailed explanations and my apologies. She is evidently anxious ...
Question: Do narcissists have friends? Answer: Not in the usual sense of the word and not that they know of. The narcissist is one track minded. He is interested in securing the provision of Narcissistic Supply emanating from Narcissistic Supply Sources. His world is as narrow as an ant's, to ...
Roots of the Disorder Are the psychopath, sociopath, and someone with the Antisocial Personality Disorder one and the same? The DSM says "yes". Scholars such as Robert Hare and Theodore Millon beg to differ. The psychopath has antisocial traits for sure but they are coupled with and enhanced by ...
Question: Are there compulsive acts unique to the narcissist? Answer: The short and the long of it is No. In general, there is a strong compulsive strand in the narcissist's behaviour. He is driven to exorcise internal demons by means of ritualistic acts. The narcissist's very pursuit of ...
Shelters are run, funded, and managed either by governments or by volunteer non-gove ment organisations. According to a 1999 report published by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, there are well over 2000 groups involved in sheltering abused women and their off-spring. Before ...
Question: How does the narcissist react when he fails to obtain enough Narcissistic Supply? Answer: Very much as a drug addict would react to the absence of his particular drug. The narcissist constantly consumes (really, preys upon) adoration, admiration, approval, applause, attention and ...
Interview granted to Samantha Cleaver for YourTango.com Q. What are some common ways that a mother's narcissism can affect her daughter's relationships? A. Depends on how narcissistic the mother is. Narcissistic parents fail to recognize and accept the personal autonomy and boundaries of their offspring. They treat them as instruments of gratification or extensions of themselves.
It is common knowledge that brain disorders, injuries, and traumas are sometimes misdiagnosed as mental health problems. But what about "run of the mill" organic medical conditions? Syphilis provides a fascinating glimpse into the convoluted world of differential diagnoses: the art of telling ...
In the book describing the fabulous tales of Baron Munchhausen, there is a story about how the legendary nobleman succeeded to pull himself out of a quicksand marsh – by his own hair. Such a miracle is not likely to recur. Narcissists cannot cure themselves any more than other mental patients ...
Ever since Freud, more women than men sought therapy. Consequently, terms like "hysteria' are intimately connected to female physiology and alleged female psychology. The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, the bible of the psychiatric profession) expressly professes gender bias: personality ...
For her traumatic wounds to heal, the victim of abuse requires closure - one final interaction with her tormentor in which he, hopefully, acknowledges his misbehaviour and even tenders an apology. Fat chance. Few abusers - especially if they are narcissistic - are amenable to such weakling ...
If at all possible, put as much physical distance as you can between yourself and the stalker. Change address, phone number, email accounts, cell phone number, enlist the kids in a new school, find a new job, get a new credit card, open a new bank account. Do not inform your paranoid ex about ...
Our sexual behavior expresses not only our psychosexual makeup but also the entirety of our personality. Sex is the one realm of conduct which involves the full gamut of emotions, cognitions, socialization, traits, heredity, and learned and acquired behaviors. By observing one's sexual ...
Notes of first therapy session with Mark, male, 36, diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder Mark sits where instructed, erect but listless. When I ask him how he feels about attending therapy, he shrugs and mumbles "OK, I guess". He rarely twitches or flexes his muscles or in any way ...
Question: Are female narcissists any different? You seem to talk only about male narcissists! Answer: I keep using the male third person singular because most narcissists (75%) are males and more so because there is little difference between the male and female narcissists. In the ...
Do not leave unprepared. Study and execute every detail of your getaway. This is especially important if your partner is violent. Be sure to make a Safety Plan – how to get out of the house unnoticed and the indispensable minimum items that you should carry with you, even on a short ...
The Eating Disordered Patientn Eating disorders - notably Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa - are complex phenomena. The patient with eating disorder maintains a distorted view of her body as too fat or as somehow defective (she may have a body dysmorphic disorder). Many patients with eating ...
The love of - nay, addiction to - competitive and solitary sports cuts across all social-economic strata and throughout all the demographics. Whether as a passive consumer (spectator), a fan, or as a participant and practitioner, everyone enjoys one form of sport or another. Wherefrom this universal propensity? Sports cater to multiple psychological and physiological deep-set needs. In this they are unique: no other activity responds as do sports to so many dimensions of one's person, both emotional, and physical.
Stalking is a crime and stalkers are criminals. This simple truth is often ignored by mental health practitioners, by law enforcement agencies, and by the media. The horrid consequences of stalking are typically underestimated and stalkers are mocked as eccentric and lonely weirdoes. Yet, ...
Is there anything you can do to avoid abusers and narcissists to start with? Are there any warning signs, any identifying marks, rules of thumb to shield you from the harrowing and traumatic experience of an abusive relationship? Imagine a first or second date. You can already tell if he is a ...
There is nothing special about the body language or behavior patterns of the abuser. If your abuser is a narcissist, his pathology is evident on first sight (read "How to Recognize a Narcissist"). But not all abusers are narcissists. Regrettably, most victims find themselves trapped long before ...
Patients with personality disorders have a body language specific to their disorder. It comprises an unequivocal series of subtle presenting signs. The patient's body language usually reflects the underlying mental health problem. For instance: people with Avoidant Personality Disorder and ...
What is Empathy? Normal people use a variety of abstract concepts and psychological constructs to relate to other persons. Emotions are such modes of inter-relatedness. Narcissists and psychopaths are different. Their "equipment" is lacking. They understand only one language: self-interest. ...
It is clear that each abuser requires individual psychotherapy, tailored to his specific needs – on top of the usual group therapy and marital (or couple) therapy. At the very least, every offender should be required to undergo the following tests to provide a complete picture of his personality ...
The manic phase of the Bipolar I Disorder is often misdiagnosed as a Personality Disorder. In the manic phase of Bipolar Disorder, patients exhibit many of the signs and symptoms of certain personality disorders, such as the Narcissistic, Borderline, Histrionic, or even Schizotypal Personality ...
By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" "Triggering cascade" is when a seemingly minor trigger results in vastly disproportional trauma. Painful memories, replete with the attendant negative emotions, are walled behind mental barriers: combinations of dams and firewalls. Sometimes even an innocuous mishap or a merely unpleasant event rupture these defenses and decades of hurt are released in an avalanche that, at times, can be life threatening.
Teen Suicide and Social Media By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Social media and the devices that they run on are designed to be addictive, as many industry executives have confessed. Addiction is always punctuated by periods of withdrawal and its “cold turkey” excruciating symptoms. The correlation between all manner of addictions and suicide, or lesser self-destructive and reckless acts is well documented. College freshmen are “overwhelm
Frustrating one's nearest and dearest has the dual "advantage" of simultaneously satisfying the narcissist's masochistic and sadistic urges. By withholding love, sex, intimacy, and the fulfillment of other people's desires and needs, the narcissist torments them even as he obstructs his own gratification. This enhances and buttresses his fantastic sense of omnipotence. Self-sabotage, self-defeat, self-denial, and self-destruction (the martyred victim stance) also serve to pr
By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" All psychological theories can be classified by one or more of these dichotomies (pairs): Dualism vs. Monism The belief that the mind and the body are two separate entities (though in constant interaction via various mechanisms and pathways); OR The belief that the mind is nothing but an emergent phenomenon or a manifestation of and emanation from or a mislabelling physiological processes and qualities a
By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist's True Self is introverted and dysfunctional. In healthy people, Ego functions are generated from the inside, from the Ego. In narcissists, the Ego is dormant, comatose. The narcissist needs the input of and feedback from the outside world (from others) in order to perform the most basic Ego functions (e.g., "recognizing" of the world, setting boundaries, forming a self-definition or identity
By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist’s False Self is grandiose. The narcissist seeks to maintain his inflated fantasy of himself. He denies, slices and splits off, and “evacuates” or projects onto others emotions, cognitions (thoughts), traits, impulses, behaviors and qualities that contradict and contravene it. In the idealization and devaluation phases, the narcissist also attributes to his sources of primary or secondary narc
Why do some narcissists end up being over-achievers, pillars of the community, and accomplished professionals - while their brethren fade into obscurity, having done little of note with their lives? There seem to be two types of narcissists: those who derive ample narcissistic supply from mere appearances (“Potemkin narcissists”) and those whose narcissistic supply consists of doing substantial deeds, of acting as change-agents, of making a difference, and of creating and pr
By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" This one volume cyclopaedia is maintained meticulously up to date by a dedicated team of scholar-contributors, headed by the indefatigable polymath, Dr. Chris Cook. Hundreds of entries in dozens of sections reflect the latest developments and knowledge in numerous areas of life. It is an astounding feat. The 2012-2013 edition of Pears Cyclopaedia was the first major revision in some time. It added consider
Lidija Rangelovska advanced the idea that some children subjected to abuse in dysfunctional families – objectified, dehumanized, their boundaries breached, and their growth stunted – develop intense feelings of shame. They turn out to be codependents or narcissists owing to their genetic makeup and innate character. According to her, children who turned out to be codependents as adults are resilient, while the more fragile narcissists seek to evade shame by concocting and the
By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" All told, there are three ways to manipulate the narcissist: (1) To withhold narcissistic supply from him until he comes, hat in hand, begging for more and then you can name your price and dictate terms; (2) To constitute yourself as a reliable source of high-grade supply and thereby foster in the narcissist dependence and adherence to your minutest needs and wishes; (3) To take active part in buttressin
By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Narcissistic parents of seriously ill children derive narcissistic supply from onlookers, friends, family, colleagues, and community by attracting attention to their role as saintly caretakers. They are demonstratively and ostentatiously patient, compassionate, suffering heroically, and dedicated to the child, its welfare, and ultimate healing. They flaunt the child's sickness as a kind of a hard-won but we
By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist regards his disabled or challenged child as an insult, a direct challenge to his self-perceived perfection and omnipotence, a constant, nagging source of negative narcissistic supply, and the reification and embodiment of a malevolent and hostile world which tirelessly conspires to render him a victim through misfortune and catastrophe. The precarious foundations of his False Self – and, ther
The Narcissist in Custody Battles Presentation made by Sam Vakninr Author of “Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited” In the 11th Annual and First Internationalr Battered Mothers Custody Conference http://batteredmotherscustodyconference.org/ HOW NARCISSIST SEES HIS CHILDREN 1. As extensions of himself ---> Possessiveness ----> Breach of BOUNDARIES ---> abuse (incl. SEXUAL) 2. Mere avatars of his inner constructs 3. Pawns in the grand chess game that is his Life 4.
When narcissists fall victim to chronic or acute diseases, or survive a traffic accident, they react in either of four typical ways, depending on the type of narcissist: 1. The schizotypal reaction: the belief that the narcissist's predicament is a part of a larger, cosmic plan, or of a blueprint that governs the narcissist's life and inexorably leads him to greatness and to the fulfillment of a mission. 2. Narcissistic rage intended to allay feelings of helplessness, loss
By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" When the narcissist has money, he can exercise his sadistic urges freely and with little fear of repercussions. Money shields him from life itself, from the outcomes and consequences of his actions; it insulates him warmly and safely, like a benevolent blanket, like a mother's good night kiss. Yes, money is undoubtedly a love substitute and it allows the narcissist to be his ugly, corrupt, and dilapidated s
By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Most narcissists enjoy an irrational and brief burst of relief after having suffered emotionally ("narcissistic injury") or after having sustained a loss. It is a sense of freedom, which comes with being unshackled. Having lost everything, the narcissist often feels that he has found himself, that he has been re-born, that he has been charged with natal energy, able to take on new challenges and to explore
By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Some patients develop codependent behaviors and traits in the wake of a life crisis, especially if it involves an abandonment and resulting solitude (e.g. divorce, or an empty nest: when one’s children embark on their own, autonomous lives, or leave home altogether.) Such late-onset codependence fosters a complex emotional and behavioral chain reaction whose role is to resolve the inner conflict by ridding
By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Negativistic (Passive-Aggressive) Personality Disorder is not yet recognized by the DSM Committee. It makes its appearances in Appendix B of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, titled "Criteria Sets and Axes Provided for Further Study." Some people are perennial pessimists and have "negative energy" and negativistic attitudes ("good things don't last", "it doesn't pay to be good", "the future is behind
Narcissistic Abuse: From Victim to Survivor in 6 Steps By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" You have been abused, maltreated, harrassed, and stalked. You feel that you fell prey to a narcissist or psychopath. But, you must move on from victim to survivor.No one will or can do it for you: Not your therapist, not your best friend, not your nearest family. Only you can choose survival over victimhood. Abandoning the Narcissist The narcissi
By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" Patriotism is akin to the healthy form of self-love: it consists mainly of pride in one’s self-identity and values based on one’s culture and shared history. Patriotism is not exclusionary, but inclusive. The patriot, in constantly seeking to improve his lot and that of his compatriots, is open to advice and suggestions, and welcomes criticism. Patriotism is conce ed with the concrete, the here and now. It
By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist cursed - or blessed - with mental X-ray vision. He sees through people's emotional shields, their petty lies, their pitiable defences, their grandiose fantasies. He knows when they deviate from the truth and by how much. He intuitively grasps their self-interested goals and accurately predicts the strategy and tactics they will adopt in order to achieve them. The narcissist cannot stand self
By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist can get better, but rarely does he get well ("heal"). The reason is the narcissist's enormous life-long, irreplaceable and indispensable emotional investment in his disorder. It serves two critical functions, which together maintain the precariously balanced house of cards called the narcissist's personality. His disorder endows the narcissist with a sense of uniqueness, of "being special" -