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Browse every published article connected to Tina Tessina, with exact attribution and full-archive search.
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Dr. Romance writes: Happy New Year, everyone! This is the time when a lot of energy is spent on making resolutions, most of which we don’t manage to keep. So, this year, especially given recent tragic events, I propose a different kind of resolution. Will you join me in resolving to create a year of peace?
Dear Dr. Romance: I am new to the entire single scene. Recently I met someone and after a couple of dates, he started to email me with a lot of sexual inquires. I ignored some of it and sometimes I would put a little tease in the reply. When he started getting more vulgar I want this and I want to do this...I emailed him back and told him I was very uncomfortable and wanted to take time to get to know him better.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: My husband left to be with a much younger women. The problem became obvious in our marriage 3 years ago. I thought It would be something we would surpass.
In my clinical experience, I've encountered many clients who are afraid to admit they're wrong. This comes from a culture of blaming and accusingwhere one's early family may have picked a "culprit" when something went wrong, and focused on blame, rather than on fixing the problem and healing the hurt. People with such experiences approach every situation as if they're on trial, and they compulsively try to convince everyone they're not guilty. They have no patterns to follow for apology and forgiveness.
Dear Dr. Romance: My husband and I have been happily married for 9 years, and we have a good sex life. We love each other very much,and want to grow old together. He served two wars in Iraq. About two years ago, I started being conce ed about his sexual behavior relating to men. He used to love attracting women, go to female strip clubs and slept with some women before he met me. We were church people for a very long time, but we haven't been for a year. We are always honest with each other.
Dear Dr. Romance: I am a native American woman who has been abused and betrayed by my husband. He was my coresearcher and advisor for several years. We were married according to tribal custom, which he later denied happened and disowned me in the courts where he was believed over me.
Dear Dr. Romance: Is he cheating on me? Or am I just being paranoid? Me and my bf have been together for 15 months now. A couple of weeks ago we broke up and then got back together after a week. When we broke up he kept texting me, asking “Are u happy?” and stuff.
Want to know how to handle being dumped? It's less about communication than you think! DO put it in perspective If you're dumped, it hurts. But count your lucky stars. You don't have a relationship if the other person's not really interested. DO understand that there were problems already It's never easy to find out that your relationship—whether long or short—is over. Once bonded, even if the relationship is terrible, both men and women have trouble breaking away. So if you're dumped, the other person really wanted out.
Dear Dr. Romance:
What can divorced dads do to help raise healthy, successful boys when they don't see their sons as often as they want? Here are some tips for non-custodial fathers who want to make certain they raise successful men. 1. Stay connected with your boy. Find a way to get over the differences with your ex, and make time with your son a priority. 2. Don't just be a good-time dad. Help with homework, spend time just hanging out so you can listen to him. 3. Show him what responsibility means. Take him to your work with you and get him to help you with projects.
Want to give yourself a holiday gift that will last the rest of your life? Try giving yourself the gift of happiness. Research shows that happiness and satisfaction depend more on the inner person than on exte al circumstances. The secret to living a happy life is to get in charge of your life and what you are doing. Then you can build the life you want. As children, we are strongly influenced by the opinions of others, and what you learn in early childhood can run your life until you understand it and take control of your own ideas and decisions.
We were having lunch with our step-granddaughter, Natalie, 2 1/2 and her grandmother last week at Heritage Family Pantry in Lakewood, when a rather rotund gentleman with a flowing white beard, sweatshirt and jeans walked by our window and came into the cafe. Natalie's grandmother said he was Santa Claus, and at first, Natalie ducked her head and said "I scared." After a few minutes, though, she was craning her neck to see where he was sitting, at the other side of the cafe.
In 1998, Richard and I had a marvelous opportunity to sail around the world as the ballroom dance teachers on a cruise ship. Many of the places we saw then, such as Oman, Jordan, Turkey, Morocco, Indonesia and Israel are in turmoil now, and not as safe for tourists. Last year, when Palestinian soldiers took refuge in the Church of the Nativity at Bethlehem and were under siege, I marveled that I had stood where they were, and I could picture the place as the news reports came in. Even when I was there, Israel and Palestine were struggling, as they have been since Israel was formed.r
Dear Dr. Romance: What causes one to constantly sabotage oneself? Why would someone constantly put up their own roadblocks? Dear Reader:
To watch the video, click here. It's way too easy, in the throes of a new romance, to decide to live together without considering the problems that might arise. Dr. Romance gives you some things to think about before making the leap, to guarantee success.
Dear Dr. Romance: I heard you on the radio and I have a relationship question for you. I have been dating my boyfriend for seven years, I care for him deeply. However, I am not happy. I want to break-up with him, but I don't know the best way to do it and not hurt him. I would still like to remain friends with him, or is this just wishful thinking? Dear Reader:
In reading philosophical teachings and writings, I often wonder why the body and the ego are seen so negatively, as if they somehow are antithetical to spirituality. Although ego, body and mind are not all we are, each is part, an expression of the whole self, included in our precious gifts from God, the Universe, Life, Spirit. It would be as sensible to hate or degrade a mathematical problem given me by a teacher for learning purposes. Of course I can be frustrated in my efforts to solve a difficult problem; that is merely an expression of my eage ess to achieve.
Dr. Romance writes: There is so much unrest in the world today: we are still in two wars, terrorism seems to be endemic worldwide, and domestic violence still dominates the news. We still need to heed the old bumper sticker: TEACH PEACE. The more current one on my car says “Peace is Patriotic.”
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: I'm looking at myself and asking the question, "Why this compulsion to cheat?" What will it take to keep my eye from wandering around? I'm divorced, technically, but trying to make amends with the ex. I love my kids, and an absentee father just doesn't fit my taste. I'd rather be there. I won't bore you with it. But everyone thinks I'm insane back with the ex. Why do men cheat?
Dear Dr. Romance: What suggestions can you offer for guests at funerals in regards to comforting families in morning? Thanks! Dear Reader: Your presence at the memorial or funeral, honoring their loved one who passed, is the most comfort, so go if you can.
This exercise is especially effective when you can’t sleep or when you experience anxiety attacks. If you worry a lot, or obsessively think about future events and problems when you should be concentrating on other things, follow these simple steps:
Dear Dr. Romance:
Save Your Relationship With 4 Easy Steps Dr. Romance’s four simple steps to create a successful marriage. 1. Talk frequently and honestly to each other.r
Probably the most prevalent questio I’m asked in my counseling practice is “Where is love?” Clients want to know why they can’t find a successful life partnership, why a friend or family member won’t respond as they would like, even why they don’t love themselves. In a perfect world, love wouldn’t be something we have to learn—if you believe in a loving cosmos, then we were all conceived in Love, and it’s Love that created us. But, we live in a human world, and we’re all imperfect beings, falling short time and time again in our attempts to love one another and even to love ourselves.
Dear Dr. Romance: I'm trying to find out why I always have sex on the first date. This is not to say that I have sex with every girl I date, or even that every girl I've gone out with has even been interested in me. It is simply to say that the overwhelming majority of my "situations" have been one date situations, for whatever reason and on the occasions that the woman is interested in me, we usually end up having sex.
Many of my clients come in with complaints about personal habits that feel toxic in their lives. Just as you can detox your body when you’re feeling sluggish, it’s also possible to detox your emotional life. Here are some of the most common ways your life can back up on you, and how to handle it. 1. Frequently later
Dr. Romance writes: It's easy to get discouraged when we become aware of the suffering throughout the world: natural disasters; racial prejudice; addiction and self-destruction; political oppression in its many forms (starvation, war, torture, misinformation, imprisonment, denial of rights of speech, health and human dignity, and just plain bigotry and nastiness). My own reaction, years ago, was despair. "I can't stand it! So much suffering! So many issues! There's nothing significant I can do."
Dear Dr. Romance:
As a single parent, you probably have so little free time that dating seems an impossible task. Yet, single parents are dating in unprecedented numbers, so if you’re looking for another “head of household” to date, you’ll find one. As a responsible parent, you’ll want to be very cautious about whom you date and eventually bring home for the safety and well-being of your child(ren). You may feel guilty or unsure about whether dating is OK. Of course it is, as long as you do it responsibly, and your children are not disrupted by your dating.
To watch the video click here: Dr. Romance's Guidelines for Creating a Sexual Agreement: * Set up a problem-solving session: * Having a time to talk about sex will help you create trust and sexual openness which makes finding solutions much easier. * Begin with reassurance and good will, reminding each other of your love and of your desire that your sexual relationship be fulfilling for both of you.
Many of my clients have come in complaining of a lack of motivation; from not being motivated enough on the job, to not being able to diet, quit smoking, or get out of bed in the morning. They desire to achieve both positive and negative motivationspositive motivations and being motivations toward doing something; negative motiviations being toward NOT doing something (not smoking, for example).
If You're Searching And Can't Find Love, Try This Probably the most prevalent questio I'm asked in my counseling practice is “Where is love?” Clients want to know why they can't find a successful life partnership, why a friend or family member won't respond as they would like, even why they don't love themselves.
(To view video, click here.) Moving in together is a financial commitment, and so is marriage, so it’s important to consider the tough issues you’ll face as a cohabiting or married couple. Dr. Romance presents seven things you should consider before entwining yourselves financially as well as emotionally.
Dr. Romance writes:
Dear Dr. Romance: I saw you on the web and thought I would ask you about my attraction to my plastic surgeon. I am almost 50, and have been having procedures done for 6 months now. He is my age and married with 2 school-age children and a younger wife. I have very strong feelings for him and NO, it is not transference. I have felt that before while in therapy and this is different.
DO. NOT. REACT. Tips for surviving & mastering confrontation, with grace —in business & in love. Pop quiz, people: How do you drop an atom bomb of sudden, unexpected (and quite possibly, undesirable) information on someone you care about — without behaving like a cruel, dispassionate ogre? AND! If you’re the unfortunate recipient of the aforementioned atom bomb, how do you respond with compassion — instead of setting off a furious chain reaction?
Dear Dr. Romance: Almost all of my friends have boyfriends, (we're 22, turning 23) and I don't. I never have. I feel really alone during the week because all my friends are with their boyfriends. I basically work, take classes, and that's it. I either need a boyfriend or more friends, because I'm lonely and hate it! Dear Reader: At times in life, old friends go through changes, and it's time to make new ones. If you haven't made new friends in a while, updating your definition of friendship and increasing your skills at meeting people will be worth your while.
In this tougher economy, couples are finding it necessary to take the jobs they can get, and that means more couples work different shifts. If one of you works a “graveyard shift” or rotating shift job that limits your time together; the difference in your shifts and commutes may mean you actually get to spend very little waking time together.
EXERCISE: MIRRORS AND TEACHERS 1. List problem people: Make a list of people with whom you have had problems in the recent past. You can use the list from the exercise for reviewing your family map in the last chapter, choose the family members who are still presenting problems, and add to it other people who are difficult, but aren’t related. 2. Choose a mirror:
Dr. Romance writes: The old folk songs say it: Oh, love is handsome, love is finer Love is a jewel when it is new; But when love's old, it waxes coldr And fades away, like morning dew. Folk wisdom says it: If newlyweds put a penny in a jar for every time they make love in the first year, and take one out for every time after that, the jar will never be empty.
Dr Romance writes: Everyone is relieved when the holidays are over, and sometimes disappointed. If you're worn out, it's worth your while to take the time to recharge a little, and pamper yourself. Here are some hints:
Dear Dr. Romance: I'll admit, I just don't understand men. Do they want us to be perfect all the time? I mean, I think I'm a pretty okay person. I honestly like myself for who I am. It took me a long time to get to this point. I'm not a model, but reasonably attractive for a woman in her 40s. I'm fit, educated and successful in my teaching career. While being single mom of a teenager, I'm launching my art career, and trying to break into teaching at the university level. I love art, music, books, the outdoors. And I volunteer, and have friends.
There is always something in the news or on TV to scare us. Hysterical articles in the media sell papers, and attract eyeballs to websites, but are usually exaggerating the facts. If you listen without evaluating what you’re being told, it’s easy to become frightened. There's a reason why I don’t usually waste time and energy on panic and drama.
Dear Dr. Romance:
Dear Dr. Romance: I would like to know if it's possible to make your wike fall in love with you again? She just recently announced to me that she wanted to go our seperate ways. I am devestaded we have 2 kids together and she told me that she just grew appart from me. I'm madly in love with her and don't want to get seperated. What can i do? Dear Reader,
[View the video here: http://youtu.be/1DM_RHzOBEk] The divorce was ugly, he was a jerk, but you still need to have contact with him because of your kids or finances. You hate to have to deal with him, but you have to. What can you do to make it better for yourself and your kids? Tina B. Tessina, PhD, "Dr. Romance" licensed psychotherapist and author, gives you ways to ignore his loutishness and make the relationship work for you. Dr. Romance’s 3 tips to dealing with a difficult ex:
(To view video, click here.) Parenthood is an overwhelming job. Kids, especially babies, seem to need you there constantly. It's very easy for parents to get so into the role that they lose sight of the couple relationship they used to have. "Dr. Romance" shows you how to devote adequate time to your kids and still keep a special part in your relationship for each other. Intimacy After Baby