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98 articles by Dr. Anne Brown · showing 48

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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Why is Giving Up People Pleasing So Difficult?

This question fascinates me because I have observed over many years many jou eys where people struggle with this task (myself included.) Let’s take a look at some of my speculations and see what your thoughts might be on why this is so challenging. Our History and Teachingsr For women, it is easy to look back at the history we are and see that we have had to work hard for our rights. We have been considered an extension of our marital partners, the gender to be educated last in some cultures, the gender to serve, the gender to be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen for starters.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Etiquette For Divorced Parents Attending Their Child’s Events!

A child’s letter to his divorced parents. Dear Mom and Dad, The operative word here Mom and Dad is My events. You are a guest here and I ask you to act accordingly. My events include but are not limited to: 1. My teacher’s conferences. 2. My athletic events. 3. My musical recitals. 4. My birthday party. 5. My school plays. 6. My school graduations And later 7. My Prom 8. My going to college 9. My wedding So here are some guidelines which I ask if you can’t follow, best you postpone coming until you can. Your Divorce, My Eventr

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

9 Great Tips from Experts on Divorce Recovery | DivorceForce

April is Divorce Recovery Month! We asked a number of contributors to the DivorceForce Community for their input on "divorce recovery" and here is part 1 of some of the responses we received. **Anne Brown PhD RNMSCS http://www.backbonepower.com - Make a list of 2-3 things you want to be different on May 1st. It could be as simple as eating healthy, a regular exercise plan, and a social occasion with a friend set up once a week. And then make it happen! Evidence of progress is very empowering and puts you on the road to successful recovery!

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Rationalizing

"You are confined only by the walls you build yourself!" Rationalizing is something we do when we don't want to face the truth. Rationalizing is something we use to make what just happen ok in our eyes. Rationalizing is a tool for survival when things are too bad to survive. Rationalizing helps us cope when we can't cope! Rationalizing is making up a story to protect those we love in our eyes! Rationalizing is smoothing everything over because the road became too bumpy. Rationalizing is what people do to enable substance abusers.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

5 Reasons You Need a Backbone to Divorce (by: Dr. Anne Brown RNCS)

No one plans on getting divorced when they get married, and yet that is a possible outcome for some. If you have spent your life mastering people pleasing, always saying yes, being diplomatic, and putting everyone else's needs before yours, you will suffer tremendously if you are confronted with going through a divorce. The following are some areas of negotiating a divorce that people pleasing needs to be replaced with having a Backbone. 1. Fight for you Marriage

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Who Is A Sociopath?

Who is a Sociopath? Sociopaths/Psychopaths are fun, exciting, seductive, charismatic, impulsive, sexy, AND unfortunately, individuals diagnosed with an anti-social personality disorder. Dr. Anne Brownr What does this mean to you? After you have been drawn into their world, then you are going to find: Sociopaths don’t keep agreements. They have a disregard for the law and any rules. Sociopaths lie, are deceitful, can use aliases for their own personal financial gains or pleasure. They are not conce ed with their own or your safety.r

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

How to Leave A Narcissist!

“Stop Asking why they keep doing it and start asking why you keep allowing it.” ~Charles J. Orlando Today we are going to address leaving a narcissist emotionally and physically. Many people feel they cannot leave physically because of logistical conce s (e.g. money, no support system, housing, etc.), so leaving emotionally becomes vitally important. Knowledge is the best weapon you have in this scenario. The Components of Emotional Abuser

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Say NO To People Who Want To Sabotage Your Success!

People-pleasers are at risk in the domains of finance, love, sex, family, and friendship. How is it that we can manage a successful business but still have a failed personal life? Extending a hand to others after taking care of yourself is how we make the world a better place for our children and our grand children. In today's world, it's no longer optional but mandatory to learn the skills of a warrior.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Warriors say No With Dignity, NOT With Excuses!

People-pleasers are at risk in the domains of finance, love, sex, family, and friendship. How is it that we can manage a successful business but still have a failed personal life? Extending a hand to others after taking care of yourself is how we make the world a better place for our children and our grand children. In today's world, it's no longer optional but mandatory to learn the skills of a warrior.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

DRAMA

“Being honest may not get you a lot of friends and it will get you the right ones.” We all have been there! Maybe you had a friend or you know someone now who is in a big DRAMA! The situation keeps getting worse and you can’t believe the stories… affairs, lying, addictions, bills not paid, bullying and on and on. I am not referring to illness, accidents, natural disasters; I am referring to things that can happen to us when we don’t have a Backbone.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

How to Heal from a Relationship with a Narcissist!

“Sometimes, you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.” In our article about Leaving a Narcissist, I spoke about knowledge being your best weapon. Only with knowledge about what is happening, how it is happening, and how to counter can someone who is brainwashed begin to fight back. Once the person is out, we add to knowledge, “developing a different observer”.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

How To Beat a Sociopath at His Own Dating Game!

Remember Sociopaths are opportunists and you are at risk for being that opportunity for him. I need five commitments from you if you want to avoid the wake of destruction that comes from dating a Sociopath. 1. Commitment to your Heart: Healing a broken heart takes time in pain and sorrow. Dating a Sociopath? Yes, he is fun, exciting, seductive, and yes he is superficial, without conscience, without compassion, a liar, and looking for the opportunity you are. It is not IF your heart will be broken, it is WHEN.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Guest Author Interview – Dr. Anne Brown

Title: Backbone Power: The Science of Saying No Genre: Co-dependency/Stress Management Synopsis: A No Nonsense approach to Making Decisions. A Self Help Guide to having Backbone and Integrity in all your choices, short term and long term. Is this decision going to be good for Me? To help Me be successful? How do I make the right choices? What are the effects and the outcomes. Ask yourself, Who am I really making these choices for?

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Common Sense Ways to Stay Friends With a Victim

Are you frustrated with someone you care about who appears to be the victim of a perpetrator? Do you find yourself getting angry for this person? We all have examples of these situations and we often struggle with what to say, how much time to spend with the victim, and how to continue being their friend. Some common examples of these situations might be: Your best friend keeps bailing out his/her partner from the consequences of his/her addiction. Your parents keep giving money to your clearly addicted sibling.r

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Stop Your Obsession With Being Nice!

People-pleasers are at risk in the domains of finance, love, sex, family, and friendship. How is it that we can manage a successful business but still have a failed personal life? Extending a hand to others after taking care of yourself is how we make the world a better place for our children and our grand children. In today's world, it's no longer optional but mandatory to learn the skills of a warrior.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Anne Brown: Backbone Power The Science of Saying No | Books on Integrity |Books on Making Decisions |Books on decision making |Books on Codependency. Kindle Edition

A No Nonsense approach to Making Decisions. A Self Help Guide to having Backbone and Integrity in all your choices, short term and long term. Is this decision going to be good for Me? To help Me be successful? How do I make the right choices? What are the effects and the outcomes. Ask yourself, Who am I really making these choices for?

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Say No To The Weight Of Your Past!

" Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." Steve Jobs Someone recently asked me the definition of Codependency, so let's take a look at what we can see to help uncover this complicated phenomenon. The visual I have is someone who is suppose to be driving his own car in the race of life, but he is running around cleaning everyone else's car.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Domestic Abuse

"Never make yourself feel like nothing, to make someone else feel like everything!" Rationalizing has to be prevalent when there is Domestic Abuse because how else could you convince yourself to stay. First you have to recognize that you are being emotionally, physically and or sexually abused.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

The Insidious Killer in Recovery! | Dr. Anne Brown | Recovery.org

Living without a backbone sets you up for severe consequences in the domains of health, finances, career, friendships, romance, recovery and your dignity for starters. What does this mean? How can this be? It means you don’t know how to advocate for yourself and even worse you have insidious rationalizations on why you shouldn’t stand up for yourself. It can “be” for many reasons, but for openers because of dysfunction or perceived dysfunction in your family of origin. Enter chemical dependency and your recovery and we have a huge mess.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Codependency and #MeToo: A Brief History of Abuse

Our Historyr When we look at the history of women as it relates to men, we see that it has only been in the last 100 years that we were given rights. Before we had rights, women and children were the property of men. Men could do with us whatever they pleased, whenever they pleased. This included all forms of abuses: sexual, physical and emotional. Having no rights, we were groomed to be compliant, to obey, to serve, to not speak up, to not have a voice, and generally be an extension of the man. Both church and state enabled and didn’t interfere with this paradigm.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Backbone Power

"If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything." Gordon A Eadie Why do I need a backbone? I just have my simple little life. I don't aspire to be famous. Hmmm! Everyone's simple little life is going to be given an opportunity to take a stand for something, someone, some passion, some principle, some cause and you want to be ready.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Post-Divorce Recovery or Crash Landing (by: Dr. Anne Brown PhD, RN) via DivorceForce

It's April, your divorce papers are signed, and it's a new chapter, scary, exciting, change, and your choice if you recover or crash land! Let's make a list of things to remember. 1. Change is good. 2. Keep a journal. 3. Make a schedule for time when the children are with you AND for when you have your free time. 4. Make a budget. 5. Shop for healthy food and set up menus. 6. Hire a therapist just for you or find a group for people going through change or reinventing themselves. 7. Schedule in physical exercise, which may be walks until you figure things out.r

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

DivorceForce : Survival Guide

If you have been affected by divorce or separation or are considering ending your marriage you're going to want to tune in to DivorceForce Survival Guide. In each episode, DivorceForce CEO Gregory Frank tackles various aspects of divorce through candid discussions with leading industry experts such as lawyers, financial planners, divorce coaches, and beyond. Whether you need inspiration, information, or just to know that you are not alone, DivorceForce Survival Guide delivers.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

When “Make Nice” Doesn’t Work In Divorce (by: Anne Brown PhD, RN) | DivorceForce

Unfortunately, there are several types of people who are going to be contentious in a divorce and they have to be handled differently. And many personnel involved in the divorce process do not prepare or educate the spouse of a contentious person correctly. If you have ever been told or if you suspect you are married to a borderline, psychopath, sociopath, narcissistic personality, or untreated chemically dependent person, for openers pay attention. For the purpose of this discussion we will call this person contentious.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Passion

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” Aristotle OK we all know this right? And yet how many of us enter into the most intimate relationship with our partners “saying nothing.” For those who still can’t discuss sex, it is time to lift that veil. Requests in the domain of sex to many are the Everest of requests so to speak. So many men equate a negative response to requests in this area as a reflection of their inadequacy. Women know this, don’t want to offend, and so say nothing. Sex then goes into the “be nothing” category.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Guidelines for Determining Toxic Relationships!

Should I leave my relationship? This question is probably one of the top ten reasons people have come into my practice asking for help. I am a therapist who prefers to work preventatively. I would like someone who is in the market for a relationship to already be in therapy. A good therapist can evaluate your history with intimacy, help you heal your wounds, and help you get clear on who might be a good partner for you. A Quick Guide of Gauging Toxicityr

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Get 20% Off Backbone Power - A Self-Help Audiobook With Code JULY4

Backbone Power, an easy to understand book, tackles the question of whether being a “people pleaser” is a virtue or a curse. Backbone Power takes the reader on a self-guided tour of their deepest thought processes to arrive at an understanding of the true “Self”. As they gain a better understanding of what drives their reasoning process, they are able to learn how to better assert themselves. Dr. Brown has been able to craft her message so as to empower people to develop a “Backbone” with the power to say “No”.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

The Tools for Having Holidays that Nourishes Your Soul

In Part One: https://www.recovery.org/pro/articles/challenges-to-having-a-holiday-in-recovery, we discussed many breakdowns reported to me by clients which can ruin the holidays. Now we will look at some tools to deal with those breakdowns. As I said in Part One having a strong mind is an important piece of the solution. Remember stress is in the eyes of the beholder. It certainly doesn’t feel like that to me sometimes and I continually have to remind myself to change my interpretation of the situation. The holidays are a great test to see how we do.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Codependent or Loving? Part II

Remember our question from Part One: How do I know if I am acting codependent or loving? Also, let’s review our definitions of “codependent” and “loving”: Love: An intense feeling of deep affection. For the purpose of this article, we will include some more distinctions of love: Brave Kindr Trustingr

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Healing From Betrayal

Let’s look at the definition of betrayal so we can understand why it hurts so much. Webster’s definition: To hurt (someone who trusts you, such as a friend or relative) by not giving help or by doing something morally wrong. “The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.” ~Unknown

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Bullying and the Codependent Part III: “The Smelly Turd in the Pretty Package”

Even though it is interesting to note that recent reports state female workplace bullying is on the increase, causing more people to say they would rather work for a man, we are going to stay focused on the female family serial bully. I believe bullies know they are bullying. I believe you don’t wake up one morning as a competent bully. I think you learn bullying over time and by attending “mean girl school.” (I am not sure what “mean girl school” means, but I imagine it is a combination of watching other bullies, having been bullied and deciding to retaliate by bullying others.)

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Sex and Codependents: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

So many women I interviewed when writing my book reported saying yes to sex just to get the sex over with and have the person go away. Others reported saying yes to sex to have the person like them. Others reported gaining weight so they wouldn’t have to say no to dating and sex. Many reported losing weight, feeling attractive, and wanting to put the weight back on so they wouldn’t have to deal with the dating and sex game. Others reported being raped because when they said no, it wasn’t respected.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Must Read: Dating After Divorce

Whether this is your first time in the dating world or you are newly divorced and entering the dating world, there are some steps you can take to help guard against divorce. There are no guarantees and why not do everything you can to live happily ever after with that someone special?

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Are You Ready To Die?

Are you ready to die? Most people aren’t? Yet if we are not willing to be with death it will hunt us down. Last week I had a gigantic dose of people sitting with death. My contractor’s 10-year-old daughter with an inoperable brain tumor on the brain stem. Next a dear friend called with breast cancer, then another dear friends sister found out she had a brain tumor all within less than 24 hours. All sitting with what we are all sitting with only they are doing it consciously. Befriending death.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

How to Get the Best Out of Your 12-Step Meeting!

Attending a support group can be a very positive part of your recovery plan, as long as you understand what is healthy and what is dysfunctional. Let’s look at a few qualities of support groups and what happens when things get out of balance… Similarities vs Enmeshmentr When I join a support group and find others who share similar conce s, I have an immediate way of connecting. Why is this a good thing? 1. I don’t feel alone. 2. I don’t feel so awkward/strange. 3. I have others who have a similar body of knowledge about our concern. 4. I feel comfortable.r

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Dating After Divorce

Take the time for a self-journey. Getting on a journey with your self requires courage, consciousness, feedback from a trusted advisor, vulnerability, insight, and the refreshing ability to apologize for starters. Knowing your strengths and challenges, competences and incompetence’s, where you are a beginner and where a master, is the first step of this journey. Surrounding yourself with people who value this consciousness and are seeking it as well is refreshing. Clarity about who you are with all your foibles builds confidence and self-esteem and is very attractive.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Juicy Relationship For Couples: Rules For Creating And Keeping It

I could write on and on about what you can do, should do, must do, and could do. We have all been frustrated with and in our relationships especially regarding a juicy relationship for couples. I had one of my students write me an entire letter the other day on all the ways she hated everything about her husband. It took me two sentences for me to get back to a place of willingness to see what could change. It went from hate, hate, hate to I don’t know what to do.

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Reinventing the Concepts of Recovery

Wouldn’t it be great if we could wave our magic wand and no one would relapse? Until we understand more about addictions (and we have work to do there), we will have to tackle relapse in other ways. Let’s look at a couple of possible breakdowns that might lead to relapse and find some ways to avoid the traps. First of all, everyone is different. We can give a general plan and it is up to you (with your team) to make it specific to your vulnerabilities. In working with my clients, here are a couple of key areas I’ve found that need to be addressed: Structurer

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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By Dr. Anne BrownRecently published1 topic

Managing Energy For Success

What are the components of successful people? So many people over time have dissected this and put the pieces together backwards and forwards. They have used it to sell courses. The formula has been used to sell everything imaginable. I don’t want to sell you anything. I want to give you Priceless tips. The one thing all successful people have in common whether they are financially successful, mentally successful, spiritually successful, relationally successful all of the above or some of the above is energy. Sounds so simple doesn’t it?

Primary topic: Psychology
Psychology
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