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199 articles by Darlene Lancer · showing 50

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By Darlene LancerRecently publishedTopic pending

Maria Shriver: Hold Your Head High

It's must be cellular that a woman automatically feels humiliated when her man cheats. Maria has done nothing to be ashamed of. Too often, women feel embarrassed for their husbands' behavior, whether it's domestic violence, emotional abuse, drug or alcohol addiction, gambling, or sex addiction, and although it's fortunate that A old took responsibility for his actions, too often, those husbands shift the blame onto their wives. It's called "blaming the victim."

Primary topic: Recently published
Recently published
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

The Do's and Don'ts of Divorce

Many divorces go along smoothly, but when problems occur, they usually reflect the dynamics that didn’t work in the marriage – only made worse, because divorce is one of the biggest crises you may go through. Emotions, especially fear and anger, are at their peak.There are definite pitfalls to avoid, and positive steps that can save your sanity and help you move on. All divorces are unique and vary depending on: 1. The marital relationship; 2. The reasons for the divorce; 3. Whether children are involved; and 4. Who initiated the divorce.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Living With an Addict – Alcoholic

Alcohol Living with an addict can be a living hell. Unpredictable and dangerous, yet sometimes exciting and romantic. Never knowing when we’ll be blamed or accused. Not being able to dependably plan social events. As the addict becomes more irresponsible, we pick up the slack and do more, often becoming the sole functioning parent or even the sole provider; yet we’re unable to lean on our partner for comfort or support.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Relationship as a Spiritual Path

<img class="alignleft wp-image-1720" src="https://www.whatiscodependency.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/romance.jpg" alt="Romance, Loving couple" width="431" height="330" /> A relationship can be an exciting path to the unknown. It offers an ever-present opportunity to grow—a path to spiritual transformation and mutual discovery and ultimately the divine when partners open to one another.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Profile of a Narcissist Attractor

Often a partner of a narcissist is a narcissist attractor, but may not realize it until they’ve attracted more than one narcissist. They may have a narcissist in their family of origin, but not always, and not all children of narcissists end up with one. Not all partners of narcissists were raised in unhappy families. People who grew up loving and trusting their parents are also susceptible because they expect others to be loving and trustworthy. Thus, they are less guarded and naive to narcissistic manipulative tactics.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Soul Mates and Unconditional Love

Are you searching for a soul mate or unconditional love? Your quest can set you on an impossible journey to find an ideal partner. The problem is often twofold: No human being, nor any relationship can ever achieve perfection, and often unconditional and conditional love are confused.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Is My Relationship Toxic?

<img class="alignnone size-us_1366_500 wp-image-28693" src="https://whatiscodependency.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/couple-arguing-AdobeStock_84420001-750x500.jpeg" alt="Is My Relationship Toxic?" width="750" height="500" />

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Envy, Jealousy, and Shame

Envy, jealousy, and shame are inextricably intertwined. Envy and jealousy are primal emotions that frequently overlap. They’re commonly first felt in the form of sibling rivalry and oedipal longings. A child innately wants mommy and daddy all to him or herself and feels “excluded” from the marital bond, especially if there have been parenting deficits that have led to shame and emotional abandonment. Typically, young children of heterosexual parents see their same-sex parent as a rival for their opposite parent’s love and feel both envious and jealous of their same-sex parent.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

THE POWER OF SELF-TALK

<img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-6863" src="https://www.whatiscodependency.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/ladder-to-success-.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="248" /> Are you aware that you talk to yourself all the time? We all do. Our self-talk makes a huge difference in our lives for better or for worse. The question to ask yourself is whether your inner voice is your friend or foe.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

What is Toxic Shame?

When shame becomes toxic, it can ruin our lives. Everyone experiences shame at one time another. It’s an emotion with physical symptoms like any other that comes and goes, but when it's severe, it can be extremely painful. Strong feelings of shame stimulate the sympathetic nervous system, causing a fight/flight/freeze reaction. We feel exposed and want to hide or react with rage, while feeling profoundly alienated from others and good parts of ourselves.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Recovery from Rejection and Break-Ups

Because our nervous system is wired to need others, rejection is painful. Romantic rejection especially hurts. Feeling lonely and missing connection share the evolutionary purpose of survival and reproduction. Ideally, loneliness should encourage you reach out to others and maintain your relationships.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

To Trust or Mistrust - Part I

Many people claim that they trust others until they have reason not to, but when you first meet someone, you don’t know anything about their integrity or past conduct, except what they tell you. Trustworthiness is proven over time by actions, not only by words. You can get hurt by believing what people say and ignoring their actions To be trustworthy, a person has to “walk their talk” – words and actions must be congruent. You also have to be able to trust your perceptions, a skill difficult for some codependents who trust too little or too much.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

LOSSES OF DIVORCE: LETTING GO and MOVING ON

Even if you wanted the divorce, it entails loss. Aside from the ending of the relationship with your spouse, you may be losing your home, time with your children, in-laws, extended family, and even friends. There are inevitable financial losses, loneliness, a change of lifestyle, imagined losses of what might have been, and of memories of what once was. It may involve a move to a different city, a change of jobs or schools, or a homemaker entering the work force for the first time.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Codependent Problems in Relationships

Everyone laughs when I tell them that I wrote Codependency for Dummies. But codependency is no laughing matter. It causes serious pain and affects the majority of Americans, both in and out of relationships. I know. I spent decades recovering. There are all types of codependents, including caretakers, addicts, pleasers, and workaholics, to name a few. They all have one thing in common: They’ve lost the connection to their core. Their thoughts and behavior revolve around someone or something exte al, whether it’s a person or an addiction.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

COUPLES COUNSELING

It's very important that couples seek therapy early on, while there is still good will between them. Like with any wound, the longer it festers, the more difficult is the healing process. When couples enter therapy to "save" their marriage from divorce, often one spouse has already left emotionally, and there's a lot of resentment and "water under the bridge."

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

The Dance of Intimacy

The relationship duet is the dance of intimacy all couples do. One partner moves in, the other backs-up. Partners may reverse roles, but always maintain a certain space between them. The unspoken agreement is that the Pursuer chase the Distancer forever, but never catch-up, and that the Distancer keep running, but never really get away. They're negotiating the emotional space between them. We all have needs for both autonomy and intimacy - independence and dependency, yet all simultaneously fear both being abandoned (acted by the Pursuer), and being too close (acted by the Distancer).

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

WHY NARCISSISTS ACT THE WAY THEY DO

<img class="alignleft wp-image-12857" src="https://www.whatiscodependency.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/Narcissist-Madonna1.jpg" alt="" width="386" height="386" />Narcissists can be charming, charismatic, seductive, exciting, and engaging. They can also act entitled, exploitative, arrogant, aggressive, cold, competitive, selfish, obnoxious, cruel, and vindictive. You can fall in love with their charming side and be destroyed by their dark side. It can be baffling, but it all makes sense when you understand what drives them.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Rebuilding Trust - Part II

Satisfying relationships are built on a foundation of safety and trust that you won’t be hurt physically or emotionally. Whether you trust too little or too much is influenced by your past, but once trust is broken, your sense of safety is in jeopardy. You feel insecure and may begin to question your partner’s honesty, motives, intentions, feelings, and actions. Walls start to grow as you try to protect yourself. Specific steps must be taken to repair the relationship. The Influence of your Past

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

6 Tips for Letting Go

Have you been told, “Just let go of it,” or tell yourself, “I have to let go,” but wonder, how? I’ve asked myself that question. Sometimes you want to let go of a worry or an obsession about someone else. You may try to detach, but can't. Other times when you can’t move forward after a major loss, or when you need to unwind from a busy work schedule. Each case has different challenges, but fundamentally, they all require a shift in attention from the mind into the body and from the past or future into the present.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

How to Spot Emotional Unavailability

If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable, you know the pain of not being able to get close to the one you love. They’re evasive, make excuses, or just inept when it comes to talking about feelings or the relationship. Some use anger, criticism, or activities to create distance. You end up feeling alone, depressed, unimportant, or rejected. Usually women complain about emotionally unavailable men. Yet many women aren’t aware they’re emotionally unavailable, too. When you get hooked on someone else who is (think Carrie Bradshaw and Mr.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Obsessions and Love Addiction

When an obsession dominates us, it steals our will and saps all the pleasure out of life. We become numb to people and events, while our mind replays the same dialogue images, or words. In a conversation, we have little interest in what the other person is saying and soon talk about our obsession, oblivious to the impact on our listener.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Are You Codependent?

Do you wonder if you are Codependent? Do you regularly sacrifice your opinions, needs or wants, and then feel resentful? Do you feel guilty saying no and resentful when you don’t? Are you controlled by, or try to control someone else, whom your thoughts and feelings revolve around, as in the Barry Manilow song, “I’m glad when you’re glad, sad when you’re sad?” Are you afraid of speaking up? Resentment, guilt, control, and fear are the hallmarks of codependency, a term once used only to describe the enabler of an alcoholic is now more generally applied to unhealthy dependency.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Natural Trauma Healing – Less is More

The conversation around trauma has become mainstream, as people seek to understand the effects of stress and emotional wounding on the body and mind. Countless books and studies have brought vital insights, exploring how trauma lodges in the nervous system and impacts our sense of safety, connection, and vitality. But amid all this knowledge, it’s easy to miss something essential: We’ve inherited natural trauma healing practices. Trauma affects codependents, including anyone who has lived with abuse, addiction, and high-conflict relationships. It’s often transgenerational.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

PARENTING GUIDELINES AFTER DIVORCE

1. Tell your children the truth, with simple explanations. Tell them where the other parent is. 2. Don’t bring up grievances or speaking derogatorily about the other parent to or in front of your children. 3. Don't discuss financial, legal or other disputes with your children. 4. Don’t say things that might discourage your children from spending time with the other parent. 5. Don’t pressure them to take sides. 6. Don’t argue, fight, or make threats in the presence of your children.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Coping with a Break-Up and Rejection

Rejection and break-ups are especially hard for codependents. They can trigger hidden grief and cause irrational guilt, anger, shame, and fear. Working through the following issues can help you let go and move on. - Codependents often blame themselves or their partner.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Sexualty and Spirituality

The Sexual Revolution, a la "Playboy", now behind us, as well as the Victorian attitudes which it rejected, perhaps we are ready for a new conception of sexuality, one not dividing, but embracing, both body and spirit. With few exceptions, such as the Tantric tradition, for centuries both Eastern and Western religious leaders have warned of the dangers of the flesh, and exhorted abstinence and restraint in the furtherance of spiritual ideals.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Can Therapy Help You Change?

Is it possible to truly change? Does therapy help? Many people have turned their lives and fortunes around, while others spend years trying to change with or without therapy, but never seem to progress. What makes the difference? Certainly, there are skilled and unskilled psychotherapists. Therapy can make a huge difference and help you traverse the obstacles to change, but success lies in the individual.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Self-Forgiveness - Is Your Guilt True or False?

We all experience guilt from time to time. But many of us have a hard time letting go of it and find it difficult to forgive ourselves, even though we may readily forgive others. First of all, it's important to recognize whether our guilt is true or false. Just because we feel guilty, that doesn’t mean we are. Feelings aren’t facts. And even if our guilt is “true”–that we’ve morally transgressed, we’re still worthy and capable of forgiveness.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

4 TYPES OF NARCISSISM SHARE A CORE TRAIT

There are four major types of narcissism. Researchers have been hunting for the core of narcissism that all narcissists share despite varying symptoms and severity. Narcissists use a variety of tactics and defenses to keep you insecure and ensure their status and their needs are met. It’s easy to be confused, but it’s important to understand and spot which type of narcissist you’re dealing with. Recently, two research teams have identified a common trait. The Grandiose Narcissist

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

Light My Fire: Transformation Through the Chakras

The creative life force sleeps within each of us like a coiled serpent, waiting to be unleashed to evolve mankind to the next level. Ancient Tantric practices awaken this energy, called kundalini, using the body, breath, sound, and visualizations to speed its journey to God realization. Man has three bodies, the physical body and its consciousness; the astral or subtle body, experienced as feelings and emotions; and the causal body, expressed as intelligence and wisdom. The seven chakras act as energy transformers for the three body/minds, each governing different functions.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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By Darlene LancerRecently published1 topic

HOW TO HAVE BOUNDARIES IN THE PANDEMIC

<img class="alignleft wp-image-22285" src="https://www.whatiscodependency.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/Boundaries-enmeshed.png" alt="Self or Other; enmeshed boundaries" width="370" height="320" />Maintaining boundaries is challenging for most of us. But the pandemic has made it even more difficult. People have been quarantined with a partner, housemate, or family for nearly a year. Normally, we could at least create physical space by going to work, the gym, seeing friends, or even taking side trips.

Primary topic: Relationship Advice
Relationship Advice
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