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Browse every published article connected to Oliver JR Cooper, with exact attribution and full-archive search.
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A number of years ago, I read a book called “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality.” This is an old book, originally published in 1989, but I thought it was still excellent.
In recent years, a lot has been said about how important it is for men to open up about how they feel and to embrace their inherent vulnerability. It could be said that it is a good thing that this has been taking place. However, although a lot of men have been exposed to this message, it doesn’t mean that all of these men now feel comfortable enough to express how they feel. For some, this is likely to have been something that has changed their life, and they might no longer have the need to hold back anymore. A New Beginning
If a man is overly focused on his mother and his mother expects him to be there for her, it could be said that they are both out of balance. This is then going to be different to when a man is focused on his mother and his mother wants him to be there for himself and live his own life. In this case, a man will be caring toward his mother but his mother won’t want him to put his own life to one side. Here, there is a chance that he will gradually be able to see that he is ignoring himself and will do what he can to change his life. A Very Different Scenario
If a man was brought up to be there for his mother and to take care of a number of her needs, it probably wouldn’t have occurred to her that he was an individual who had his own needs and, over time, his own life to lead. Of course, when he was born, it is likely to have occurred to her that he had had basic needs such as the need to eat and sleep but that might have been about it.
I do not claim to be an expert on astrology or someone that see's astrology as the be and end all. For me, it is another point of interest and something that can be used as a mirror; to assist in self awareness and awareness of others. What I am going to take a closer look at here is how the ego minds associations can and do shape people’s views on astrology.
Nowadays, if someone is having relationship problems, it is not going to be difficult for them to find information that goes into why this is and what they can do about it. After a basic search online, there will be thousands of videos and articles that will provide them with a lot of information. So, at this point in time, they could be in a position where they continually attract people that are not available and/or don’t treat them very well. This could be something that they have experienced for quite some time. One Part
It could be said that there are going to be moments in everyone’s life when they do something wrong. When this takes place, one could see if there is anything they can do to put it right. The Next Step If it becomes clear that they can do something about what has taken place, they might soon take action. But if they are not aware of what they can do, they might end up asking someone else for their feedback.
There are a number of things that play a part in someone being able to live a life that is worth living, and having a sense of self worth is one of them. When one has this in place, it will be possible for them to feel good about themselves. Through having the ability to feel good about themselves, it will probably be normal for them to experience positive feelings and thoughts. Along with this, one is likely to have a low tolerance for bad behaviour. Self-Respect
When someone wants to achieve something, there is the chance that they will have a number of people who inspire them. These could be people who they know personally or it may relate to people they know from a distance. However, regardless of whether they know them or not, they will be having a big influence on their life. The people who inspire them may have already achieved what they want to achieve, and this is going to increase their inner belief.
What can be normal is for a man to generally live in his head and thus, be out of touch with his feelings and instincts. He is then going to look like a whole human being but he typically won’t operate as one. But, if this is just what is normal, he might not be aware of how alienated he is from himself. However, some of the people in his life might have the sense that he doesn’t have a very good connection with his body. For Example
It might seem strange to some people that success could be something to fear; especially as we live in a world where success has become an obsession for so many people. What is often heard about is the fear of failure and how people don’t want to fail. However, success is generally perceived as what most people want. That one could actually be fearful of it, would appear to be wide of the mark. And although logically this does make sense, it doesn’t mean that this is necessarily true at a deeper level.
When someone’s life is not going as they would like it to go, there are a number of things that they can do. This could be a time where one will end up feeling like a victim, and they could then suffer in silence. One will then continue to live their life in the same way, and this can mean that their life will gradually get even worse. What this will show is that one will have resigned themselves to what is taking place. Powerless
There are those that not only believe that their government, along with other governments around the world, would lie to them but who also have the evidence to back it up. This is then not going to be something that has just happened once; it will be something that takes place on a regular basis. Someone like this could talk about what has happened in the past, laying down a number of instances when this has happened. In addition to talking about when this has taken place in their country; they can give examples of when this has happened in other countries. A Mixed Response
There are some people who seem to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. In some shape or form, they are always there for others. And whether they truly want to be there for others is not always irrelevant; it often appears as though they have no choice in the matter. For some people this will feel like a burden and for others it can feel like something to be proud of. One can feel a sense of maturity and that they are doing what any adult should do.
In recent years, a lot has been said about space exploration and how important it is for the survival of humanity. There are those who believe that although human beings didn’t evolve to live in space, it can provide them with somewhere else to live if the earth is no longer inhabitable. In addition to this, there are all of the insights and scientific discoveries that have been made by going into space. Therefore, it makes complete sense that there is a lot of focus on space and a lot of money is being spent. Another Area
Not only can a man be focused on his mother but she can also expect him to be there for her and meet certain needs. From this, it will be clear that she can’t accept that he has his own needs and life to lead. Based on how she treats him, it will be as if he is her possession and thus, she has the right to use him. There is then going to be no reason for her to feel guilty or ashamed about how she is behaving. One Reaction
If a man was to see that he is overly focused on his mother, it is not going to be a surprise if he ends up coming to the conclusion that he is this way because of how his mother treated him very early on. The reason for this is that after looking into what took place during his early years, he could see that how he behaves as an adult is a continuation of how he behaved as a child.
A lot has been said in recent years about the number of people who are taking their own life and how this has got worse over time. Along with this, there are the people who often think about calling it a day. With this in mind, it would be easy to assume that if someone wants their life to end, they will either end it or they will often think about taking this step. Thus, if someone doesn’t do the former or think about doing the latter, they won’t want their life to end. Two Levels
It has been said that there are at least three types of love that a child can experience during their early years. There is value love, outcome love and love that is promised but never delivered. When it comes to the first type of love, a child will only be loved when they adopt certain values and behave in certain ways. Although this type of love is conditional, it will probably allow the child to grow into an adult who is both successful and happy. The Middle One
While is it one thing to feel responsible for one’s own life, it is another thing altogether to feel responsible for other people. Even though one is not responsible for other people, it doesn’t mean they feel this way. That is unless they have a young child or children for instance and then this is not the case. This also doesn’t mean that one should be completely selfish and forget about the needs of others either. But what it does mean is that one can only do so much for others.
Like most defence mechanisms that can be utilised, denial can make it easier for someone to function on this planet. By denying something, it can stop them from having to feel bad about themselves, allowing them to avoid pain. Their view of themselves will then be protected and this will have a positive on their wellbeing. However, although this can protect their ego, it is also something that can do more harm than good. Avoidance of Reality
A few days ago, I wrote an article about something I had heard from a TV series called Arrow. What I touched upon in this article is not the only thing in this show that has caught my attention; there are a number of other things. Something that caught my attention was when the main character, Oliver Queen, was told that, “the only way out is through.” Without giving too much away, in case you haven’t seen this episode and plan to, he is in a tough situation and needs to find a way out. On The Onside
After suffering for many, many years, someone may come to see that they were mistreated during their early years. Through having this understanding, it will start to become clear why they are experiencing life in this way. Now, while having this understanding won’t mean that their life will automatically change, it will allow them to take the next step. Without this understanding, they would have continued to suffer. Moving Forward
Towards the end of 2016, it was clear that I was only getting so far; in fact, it was as though I was actually getting worse, not better. I had worked with people, but some of the changes that I had made didn’t last and I was only getting so far. What also stood out was how I needed to be working with a therapist in order to feel at ease. I didn’t have the ability to regulate my own system, so I had become dependent on these kinds of people. The Unexpected Happened
When someone is in touch with their inherent value, it is going to be a lot easier for them to act in a confident manner. For one thing, they are not going to feel as though they have anything to hide. The Truth Deep down, they will realise that who they are is enough, and this will allow them to express their true-self. Consequently, how they come across is generally going to be a reflection of who they are.
What a woman may find, if she were to step back and reflect on her life, is that even though she is a grown woman, she doesn’t act like one. Instead, she is more like a little girl who is dependent on her mother and incapable of living her own life. This could mean that she still lives with her mother or it might not, but, either way, she won’t be able to freely express herself and live her own life. She is likely to find that she has a strong need to please her mother. One Focus
If someone feels hopeless, it can cause them to feel down and as though they have no control. And, unless something changes, they could end up feeling even worse - sinking even further down into themselves. It can then seem as though there is no way out, and they may come to believe that the only option they have is to end their own life. This could be how they have felt for a number of months or years, or maybe they have felt this way for as long as they can remember. A Painful Existence
If one was in a position where they wanted to start a new relationship, they might decide to join an online dating side. This could be seen as the best way for them to find someone to be with. No Shame In the past, online dating was frowned upon, and this was partly because it was radically different to meeting someone in the real world. Along with this, it was seen as something that someone would use if they were a bit awkward.
Earlier on, whilst I was reading a paper, I came across a story about someone who said that they became a sex addict thanks to social media. This person said that they had got sucked into a social media site and this caused them to go down a path that they wouldn’t have gone down otherwise. This person had uploaded pictures of themselves and this caused them to receive a lot of feedback from the opposite gender. Some of these messages involved positive comments about their looks, while there were others that were far more direct. A New Life
To have a balanced sense of worth is healthy and conducive to someone realising that they deserve to receive and to achieve in life. The problem is that not everyone has this experience and this can cause them to believe that they are worthless and therefore deserve very little, if anything, from life. This could mean that one displays an exaggerated sense of themselves and this is the result of them going to the other extreme. Perhaps they feel as though they deserve everything in one moment and the next moment, they slump right back into their feeling of being worthless.
Although someone can be used to being physically seen by others, it doesn’t mean that they will feel seen. In general, they can feel as though they are not seen and even question if they exist. It could seem strange as to how they could be seen by others and at the same time, not feel seen. What this illustrates is that being physically seen is one thing; it is another thing altogether to feel seen. The Difference
If someone has a strong connection with their body, they will generally be in touch with their needs and feelings. Through having this connection, they will be able to fulfil their needs and to listen to their feelings. This will make it easier for them to live a fulfilling life and to have deep and meaningful relationships. Ultimately, these two elements will be a big part of what allows them to act like an individual. True-Self
What someone could find, if they were to reflect on how they see themselves, is that they don’t have a very empowering view of themselves. They might find that they see themselves as worthless, unlovable and even useless. Having this view is likely to mean that they will have suffered over the years and continue to do. If so, their life is going to be anything but fulfilling and they might often question why they are even alive. A Battle
When someone can assert themselves, they will have no trouble standing their ground and saying no. Along with this, if they want to do something, it won’t typically be a challenge for them to do it. Having this ability will allow them to both protect and express themselves. Thanks to this, being walked over and acting like an extension of others is not going to be something that interests them. Exte al Feedback
It can be hard for someone on the outside to understand why a man would be so focused on his mother. He can spend most of his life doing things for her and even if he isn’t, he can be thinking about what he can do for her. By being this way, naturally, he is going to severely neglect himself and his own life. Most of his time and energy will be directed towards his mother, so he is not going to have a lot of either of these things for himself. A Strange Scenario
In today’s world, it is not uncommon for someone to be told that they have ‘low self-esteem’, that’s if their life is a certain way and/or if they behave in a certain way. The same thing could also be said if they experience a lot of ‘negative’ thoughts. So, someone may find that it is hard for them to assert themselves and to say no at the right time. Or, perhaps they have settled for a job that is not fulfilling or are in a relationship that doesn’t serve them. The List Goes On
When one gets to a point in their life when they have achieved something significant, there will be everything they have done in order for this to take place. Therefore, this wouldn’t have been something that just happened. Looking Back One could find that it has taken them a number of years, or it might even have taken even longer. During this time, they may have done something every day, and this would have meant that they were unable to put their feet up, so to speak.
While one can have grown into an adult and therefore left their childhood behind them, it doesn’t mean that they have completely moved on from those early years. Ones childhood influences them in ways that are obvious and in ways that are more or less oblivious. It is a time that plays a massive role in who one will become; either as a direct result of what happened or through or through one using what happened as a catalyst to be more. In one way or another, these years are fundamental and cannot be overlooked.
Naturally, if someone is not connected to their true-self, they won’t be able to express who they are. Nonetheless, if they don’t feel safe enough to express who they are, it won’t matter if they are connected to their true-self. Considering this, it shows how imperative it is for someone to have a felt sense of safety; in other words, for them to feel safe in their own body. With this in place, they will be able to express who they are. The Opposite
What someone may find, that’s if they were to take a step back and to reflect on their life, is that there are moments when they end up feeling completely overwhelmed by how they feel. When this takes place, it could seem as though they have absolutely no reason to feel as they do. However, someone could experience life this way and not take a step back and reflect on what is going on. It could be said that it won’t be much of a surprise if this takes place, considering how intense these moments are going to be. Too Much To Handle
What a man could find, if he was to reflect on his life, is that he is more like a wolf that has been domesticated than a wolf that lives in the wild. To go even further, he could think about how he has the tendency to be passive, feel low and be a people pleaser and finds it hard to stand his ground. He could see that he has been this way for as long as he can remember and could believe that he was simply born this way. Naturally, living in this way is not going to allow him to live a life that is very fulfilling. One Area
Practically from the moment that someone wakes up until they go to bed at night, they could be on the go. When they are not working, then, they can be exercising, practising a hobby or out socialising. They can come across as confident, high-energy and as someone who is not afraid to try new things. Due to how they live their life, they might have been able to achieve a lot and be seen as successful. One Area They could have a number of friends and be in an intimate relationship. Still, their friendships might not have much depth and their intimate relationship might be the same.
If a man were to step back and reflect on his life, what might stand out is that he has been with a number of women who were not very stable. These women would then have often been all at sea emotionally. As a result, when he was with a woman like this, he would have probably spent a lot of time feeling drained. The reason for this is that he would have had to direct a lot of his energy toward trying to calm her down. One Angle
How someone behaves at the beginning of a relationship can be different to how they behave as time goes by, and while a certain amount of change is normal, it doesn’t mean it is normal for someone to completely change. This could mean that as time passes they end up becoming someone else, or it may mean they end up being an even better match.
Although one can have the need to live their own life, it doesn’t mean that this is what takes place. Instead, one can find that they have the tendency to get caught up in what is taking place around them. As a result of this, it is going to be normal for them to ignore their own feelings and needs. Naturally, this is going to cause them to experience a lot of pain and they could even end up feeling like a victim. A Bystander
In today’s world fame is not merely seen as a by-product or as a consequence of achieving something; fame is pursued directly and as a goal in and of itself. With there being numerous examples of people who place fame as the ultimate achievement in life and above anything else; it might seem that fame is what one is on this planet to attain. In the past one typically became famous through what they had given to the world. And although this might have not always been something that benefited humanity, it was usually something significant.
If a man is in a relationship with a woman who is undermining him, he could have at least one friend who finds it hard to accept why he doesn’t cut his ties with her. Over the days, weeks and perhaps months that he has been with her, this friend might have had a number of conversations with him. But, although they will have made it clear that this woman is not good for him and he himself might have also agreed, it won’t have had much of an impact. Instead, he will have continued to put up with what is going on. His Experience
If one drives an old car, and this is a car that is not in good shape, it is unlikely that many people would spend much time looking it. But if this isn’t the case, it would simply come down to the fact that they would find it hard to believe how bad it is. On the other hand, if one drives one of the latest sports cars, they may find that people stare at their car. It is unlikely to matter where they go, as the responses could be the same. One Step Further
There are some people who have the ability or the skill to do something and yet, that is as far as it goes. And this is going to mean that they end up wasting what they have and it will always be a mystery as to what they could have achieved. In other cases, there are going to be people who put in the work to achieve their goals but just before they reach their target, they stop. And this can be someone who is full of ability or someone who isn’t.
If someone was traumatised on a weekly, if not daily, basis during their early years, there is a strong chance that they will be in a bad way now that they are an adult. Still, although what took place at this stage of their life will have had a big effect on them, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this. In fact, they might rarely, if ever, think about this stage of their life. Furthermore, if another person was to say that the challenges that they have are largely a consequence of what they experienced as a child, they could dismiss what they say. By Design