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Do you leave a networking event with a stack of business cards? Do you wonder what you got from the event or why you went? For business, networking is a must, but you don't want to feel like you wasted your time when you could be doing something else more productive. When you feel this way, what do you do with the business cards you collect? Throw them away? Stash them in your desk?
Do you ever have those days or even though moments where you find yourself saying, "Only another single mom would understand?" Whether it's your baby rolling over for the first time, your child going off to kindergarten, or your teenager dating, there are just some things that only another mom will understand. When I was single and childless, I thought I understood. I thought I got it. When my friends with kids would say they were busy, I always thought, Really? Aren't we all busy? When they would say they were tired, I thought, Yeah, so am I.
Before the conference today, I had spoken to the founder about my need to pump. So she was kind enough to find a private one-stall bathroom with an outlet for me. Since the other restrooms in this hotel either had multiple stalls or no outlet, this was the only place I could use in discretion. At break, I take the elevator to floor 2M. When the doors open, two ladies and a gentleman are standing in the facing room. I see the restroom behind them, and one lady says, "The conference is on the second floor... down one." I respond, "I'm using the restroom here."
It still doesn't seem real. I can't believe it. It's taken me this long to get into a routine of things. Don't get me wrong, I had what I thought were routines. Then a week or two passed, and I would tweak them trying to see if something worked better. Sometimes routines put you in a rut, but as a single mom to a newborn, I need a routine.
Mommy really doesn't know much right now, but I promise you I will. The only thing I do know is mommy loves you more than words, more than actions. Mommy loves you as though you are her heart, spirit, and soul wrapped in one... without a beginning or an end. There is no depth or breath to my love, because how can there be when it's everywhere?!
Tonight, all of a sudden, I had a migraine headache... the kind where the lights are even too bright. I was working and felt it coming on. Then within minutes, it was FULL force, like a hammer banging constantly on my forehead. I had no idea why I was getting one or when it would disappear.
Tonight is my first night out with a mom's group. As a single mom, I haven't done much since having my baby. I don't really know what to expect. I know I shouldn't have any expectations, but it's hard not to when you are going into an unfamiliar situation. I don't know any of the ladies that will be there, and just like anyone else, I'm a bit nervous.
Blaise and I went to a one-year-old's birthday party this weekend. It was spectacular. With a rocket and astronaut theme, the mom is uber-talented and had thought of everything. From the handmade and hand painted solar system that hung from the ceiling to the refueling station (drinks), pop rock candy, and takeaway CD filled with the birthday boy's favorite space songs, the partygoers couldn't want for anything. (I just got sidetracked, because I'm in awe of her creative geniusness at work.)
Love is in the air. Or so we hope, especially for this single mom. This season, fall in love. Where is the best place? That's the question, I've asked myself over and over again. Where do people go to find love?
When things first happen, they don't always appear how they should be. They may seem daunting or scary. They may not be what you want or how you planned. Life may not be working the way you envisioned it would. I had a plan for my life. I have always been career driven. Even before I graduated from college, I knew I wanted to be someone... to do something spectacular. Who and what that was, I didn't know. I just knew I wanted it... almost desperately.
How important is your time? I know, I know, it's important. You likely don't have enough time in your day, but how are you using the time you have? Are you doing the dishes by hand when you could be running the dishwasher. It may cost you a few more dollars a month, but are those few dollars worth the time you spend on doing dishes by hand? Or is doing the dishes manually your downtime? Is it relaxing? Does it allow you to be calm and peaceful?
I conducted two workshops at the PTA Leadership Summit in Dallas. After my first session, an attendee came up and talked to me. She said she had a dream, she just didn't know what it was. She was entering a new phase in her life, in her early thirties, and just settling in after a divorce, and she wanted to know how to discover her dream... her passion. She didn't know where to start.
I'm going to do it! How many times have you told yourself you're going to do something and then a week goes by? Then a month? Maybe even a year and you still haven't done it? It's not that you don't want to do it, but life gets in the way…or so you tell yourself.
I had a meeting last week with a new friend. It was only our second meeting, and I already feel like we have known each other forever. From the moment I saw her, we had something... not only is she the cutest thing ever, but we just have this synergy. We sat down and before I knew it, almost two hours had passed. She is really a remarkable woman.
It's so easy to hold on... hold on to the maybes (maybe it's not that bad, maybe it can still happen, maybe he wants to be a part of the baby, maybe he is just busy, maybe this can still work), the hope, the dream, the passion, the good times, and everything else that might be considered good (or at least not horrible). That's the easy part... to take these things and to have them outweigh the bad. (When you have to talk yourself into outweighing the bad, that's never a good sign.)
So have you heard it? Having babies kills your focus. Hedge fund Billionaire Paul Tudor Jones has reportedly said that having babies kills the focus for women in the trading industry. Macro trading, a male-dominated, highly competitive industry, requires a lot of focus and drive. Tudor Jones said once kids enter your lives, your focus isn't as single minded. So you are less likely to achieve the same level of success as before you were a mom. Does this only pertain to this specific industry? Can having kids kill your career?
What would $1,000 mean to you? Could it change your life? As a single mom, the decision to attend college may not be easy. You make a list of the pros and cons for going back to school. You really want to go. You know in the long run it will benefit you and your family, but you feel a financial burden. You're doing okay now with the money you have, but when you go back to school, you won't be able to work as much or you'll have to take out student loans.
Why are you still single? It's this the question every single person hates. I used to get this question all the time. Now, I get more of the statement that's a question, "You're single?!" What follows immediately is "Why?" I used to say, "If I knew the answer, I wouldn't be single anymore." Now my response is, "Because I refuse to settle."
We've all done it… then something happens, and we think "Why didn't I listen to that voice?" We think this, because the voice could have (and should have) prevented a bad result from occurring. I have always carried my cell phone in my purse. The last couple of days, I've been carrying it in my pockets. Then it has fallen out twice, and I've thought both times, how I need to carry it in my purse again…not even knowing why I decided to put it in my pockets.
With Suitor #1, he and I talked via text and on the phone a lot. Then when we met in person, there wasn't any chemistry. A friend told me next time to not talk with the guy so much. That way there wouldn't be expectations. So I decided to try this tactic, because at this point, I'm willing to try just about anything to see if it works. This suitor (who happens to have the same name as the last guy) and I met when he sent me an email through an online dating site. After my initial response, he replied it was pointless to continue conversing through email and wanted to start texting.
As a single mom, it's a big step to date, no matter how old your kids are. You put yourself out there wanting to find love and hoping to find quality men. Talk about having faith. Well, I do. I have faith that it will happen. It might not happen when I want it to, but I KNOW it will when it's supposed to. Doing online dating and then emailing a few guys is one thing. Putting yourself out there in a lot bigger way is another. This newest adventure is Finding Love Before 40, which gives me about nine months. I need to get on the ball, since I really have never been in love.
When you're a mom, sometimes you can't get anything done. Well, you can't get things done the way YOU want them done. As I sit my eight-month-old son down in the living room surrounded by his security gates, that rarely do as they're intended, I'm ready to work. Yet, he has something else in mind. As we know, our young kids can be such great helpers. So here is what Blaise wants you to hear from him (and then I'll finish writing).-r
I went to my niece's first birthday party on Saturday. I was looking so forward to it. I can't believe it's already been a year for them. I remember getting the call that my sister-in-law was in labor, driving up to the hospital, and being in the waiting room... EAGER. Eager to make sure they were okay. Eager to know if it was a boy or a girl. And definitely EAGER to find out the baby's name... Elise.
On certain days, you know what today holds…school, work, pick your kids from school, making dinner, doing homework, and then getting to sleep later than you expected. As a single mom on other days you wake up and you pull yourself out of bed, knowing it's going to be that kind of day…a crazy, chaotic day. You wake up in plenty of time to get ready, yet you find yourself leaving late…again. You're stressed driving your kids to school. You're moody and cranky. It's going to be a day alright.
I love sleep. Before having my son, I would sleep ten hours a night... and even sometimes take a nap. I love sleep.
I didn't date a lot when I was younger. I always used to say it was because I enjoyed hanging out with my friends (which I did), but really it was more about never getting asked out. Everyone wants to be liked. Everyone wants to be asked out. College I dated more, well hung out with guys, because in college no one has money to really go out and do much. Since college, my dating life has been sporadic--a few here and there but never finding "the one."
I left the house yesterday in time for a meeting. I was so proud of myself that I had managed to leave in time, with my son in tow. I reversed out of the driveway and made it as far as the mailbox, when I realized I had a flat tire. Not just a flattening tire. I'm talking a completely flat-don't-bother-trying-to-go-anywhere flat tire. Lucky for me, my mom lets me borrow her car. The problem is I don't have the phone number of the lady I am meeting. So I have no way to tell her I will be late. All I can do is hope she is still going to be there when I finally arrive (which she is).
I spent the night at my dad's house, because my sister lives there and is going to watch B as I attend an all day conference in Austin. I get up about 5 am and lucky me, B gets up at that same time once he hears me stir. He has never woken up at this time, but he refuses to go back to sleep, so I prepare a bottle. I'm in a hurry, because I'm supposed to leave at 545 am (or that's my goal) not anticipating B to wake up (isn't that always the case though?).
B and I go on our second play group to a music sensory, and I'm not sure how it's going to go. The first play group with other moms and kids we went on two weeks ago could have gone better. There were about 25 moms everywhere and even more kids. I was overwhelmed, and he was over-stimulated.
Do you ever feel like you are your own reality show? Between the kids, work, and things that happen, do you think your life is filled with enough ___________ (you fill in the blank)... so much so that even if you tried, you couldn't plan the things that happen?
Blaise "always" takes a nap at a certain time, and like clock work he wakes up at the same time. After months of this routine, nothing has changed. So why would I think today would be any different. Well, like I say, Welcome to Momhood... where even the predictable is unpredictable.
I arrive at the doctor's office five minutes late. It seems that's par for the course when you have a baby. It takes a lot for me to get anywhere. Gone are the days where I can wake up, throw on some clothes, pull my hair in a ponytail, grab a quick bite, brush my teeth, and head out the door in fifteen minutes. Yes, I still throw on some clothes, throw my hair back, grab a bite (if I'm lucky), brush my teeth and head out the door... the difference is it now takes me two hours to do that. And then I still arrive late.
Even through my 38 weeks of pregnancy, I never once imagined what motherhood would be like. I really never thought about being a single mom. Yes, you hear things will change, but I never truly understood it, which seems to be the case with most things, until you experience them.
Being a first time mom changes you. You can't help but have it change you yet you are still the same person. I'm still the same goofy, adventurous, sarcastic, Type A personality person I was before. I still like the same things and talk to the same people. I'm still driven by passion and the desire to help others in their quests. I still long to find the man of my dreams (wherever he is) and experience that everything-I-do-I-do-it-for-you kind of love.
I received a baby gift this weekend from a college friend. He is one in the group of guys I used to hang out with my sophomore year. I remember the days like they were yesterday. He used to knock on my door so we could grab breakfast before walking to class. I even remember what I ordered each time for breakfast, two eggs--over medium, toast, a glazed doughnut, half of a grapefruit, OJ, and milk... and I would eat it all. Between going out, football games, school, and meals, we were together a lot.
I was a bit emotional today. My son was scheduled for his 15-month check up tomorrow. His pediatrician calls, and I miss it. I return the call, and luckily I do, because she tells me my son is no longer covered by his insurance. What? I am shocked. As I dial the number to his insurance, I can feel myself begin to panic. Letting your one-year-old's insurance lapse is not something any mom wants to do. A kid should not be without insurance. I explain the situation to the agent who tells me that I can no longer just update his paperwork but now I must file completely over. What the heck?
A few weeks ago, I went to a single dad event held by a non-profit organization. Upon leaving, all the single parents were given gifts to take home, some were food items. I was given a large package of hamburger patty meat. As I left, the lady handing the food to me said, "Just stick it in the freezer." When I got home, in typical A Clueless Mom fashion, that's EXACTLY what I did.
Are you destined for greatness? Absolutely. So what's holding you back? You're familiar with where you are now. It's comfortable, yet you aren't really where you're supposed to be. You're not doing what you're supposed to be doing. You're not reaching the people who need you most. I'm a HUGE proponent of stepping outside your comfort zone. I've been fortunate to do some fun and exciting things when I've done it. I've studied abroad in Norway and volunteered in Africa. I've gone parasailing, skydiving, dog sledding and shark diving. None of those compared to what I did this past week.
I had the best day with B. We decided to go to the zoo for the first time. Although the only thing I think he is really interested in are the fish, I still like showing him different things. I take him out of the stroller to point to an animal, and in a matter of seconds, he makes new friends with other passersby. He is just that type of baby. He makes me laugh. We stay less than two hours, and as we find the exit, he passes out.
As a single mom who does it all, cooks, cleans, owns a successful business, is the only provider for her child, and now dates, I've been asked, "How do you do it?"
As another year winded down and a new one begins, I feel a sense of pressure. Don't get me wrong I'm excited to see where this next year leads, but there's this thing creeping up. I have successfully pushed it away before, but I feel it coming again. I used to work in a restaurant, so every New Year's Eve I would always be working. This year so much has changed. One of those things was that I committed full time to my business, and that's made all the difference in my life and success. Since I didn't work New Year's, it's my first one where I could actually make plans. But I didn't have any.
seven months old, that all changed. He went to bed later and woke up two hours earlier. I was NOT a fan!
I see you walking toward me. Is it you? I can't really tell. It somewhat looks like it could be. How could it be? I never saw you come in. Well, yeah, it could be you. We pass at a distance, while I try to be nonchalant about it. Then I see you again. I want to make sure it's you. I'm still staring as you get closer. I don't even pretend to look away yet I don't smile. Why don't I smile? I probably look mad or preoccupied. Maybe intense, at its best. But definitely not my happy self. I know it's because I was busy staring at you, but you don't know that.
When I was younger, I had a vision for my life. I was going to be successful... that was always a priority of mine. To be successful. I always connected success with a career, never with a family. Yes, I would get married and have kids, but a successful career was of the utmost importance to me.
I spent a day, well most of the day, all to my son and me. I haven't done that since he's been born. I always have work of some kind to do, but today I decided it was B and mama time. YAY!
My heart is sad. You send your kids... your babies off to school. You entrust others to watch over, care for, and feed them. It would never occur to me that food my child may eat would be tainted. How does this happen? How are people that irresponsible and careless? That something so preventable would kill 22 children and leave several others seriously sick?
B and I take our first flight by ourselves. He has traveled about four times but every other time, my mom has been with us. Doing it by ourselves... what a scary concept, but as always, we are up for the challenge. The morning we leave, my mom is rushing me. To her credit, we are leaving ten minutes later than she wanted... then it turned into twenty minutes. That's what happens when you have a baby in tow. You never know when you're going to leave on time. With a baby, sometimes late is on time. We are two minutes down the road, when I blurt, "Oh my gosh, I forgot his milk."
I had plans for today. It's Sunday, so I'm going to take Blaise to the park. He just loves swinging and propping his foot up in the swing to steady himself. That way, he doesn't have to hold on and can gnaw on his hands instead. I also need to get my blogs done for the week. That's five blog posts. No problem. Blaise will sleep several times throughout the day, so that gives me plenty of time to do them. Great. I have a plan for the day, and I should have time to finish it all.
When I read a recent article citing single mothers for the recent decline in newspaper sales I was appalled. I couldn't believe Chris Powell, the Managing Editor of the journal Inquirer, actually blamed single moms for his not being able to sell more newspapers. What shocked me even more than his blame is his description of single moms...
The other day, I was at another birthday party for a one-year old. (I didn't realize so many people I know had babies around the time I did.) I start talking with a couple about babies, as the wife is holding my son. I ask if they are ready for one. As the lady says yes, her husband shakes his head no. I ask, "NO?" He replies, "I'm scared."