Articles
Browse every published article connected to bob-lancer, with exact attribution and full-archive search.
Articles
Browse every published article connected to bob-lancer, or search within this exact expert archive.
When an adult regards a child's behavior as disruptive, disrespectful, or defiant, the adult commonly complains, "That child needs more discipline." How rare is it that one will say, "That child needs more understanding." Sometimes more firmness may indeed be in order, but even then the root-cause of the problem stems from a lack of deep and accurate understanding of the child.
There are good reasons why parents seek alte atives to saying “No” to their children. One is that saying “No” often makes some parents feel that that they are being too negative. If this is your parenting issue with “No”, try instead to inform your child of the reason why, and of what he can do instead for an outcome he wants. For instance, if your child asks for a cookie before bedtime, instead of saying, “No” you might briefly explain: “The sugar would keep you up. But if you stop asking for a cookie now you can have one tomorrow for sure.”
A typical parenting challenge that causes many parents frustration can be expressed in the following question: "What do you do when you want your child to do something, and he responds with: 'I don't care', or 'I can do whatever I want to do', or 'I am not going to my room', or 'try to catch me', or 'I won't eat this, you can't make me'"?
When you use feelings of disappointment to manipulate someone into giving you your way, you program yourself to relate with your experience as a defeat. This costs you your freedom. There is really nothing wrong with your situation. The present offers you every opportunity. But you bind yourself to disappointment when you express yourself as a victim of your circumstances.
Let's define an "impossible person" as a person who seems unwilling or unable to cooperate with you in some way that feels important to you. From your perspective, cooperating with you makes perfectly obvious sense. But this other person seems impervious to your arguments, inflexible in his or her non-compliant decision.
A practical article connected into the broader SelfGrowth topic graph.
Patience is faith in the time something takes. Patience is faith in living in the present moment, without pushing or forcing anything to happen. Patience is accepting things as they are, but this requires some clarification. Things are not the way you think things are. People are not who you think they are. You are not who you think you are. Your child is not who you think your child is.
Being a parent is never a cakewalk but being a single parent is a tremendously difficult job. For the most part, single parents must hold a fulltime job, chauffer the children to and from school, extracurricular activities and sporting events. Many receive financial help for parents without adequate income while others live just barely above the income cutoff. Regardless of the financial situation, the parent child relationship can be incredibly strong and able to last a lif
To achieve success, we need to remain on the path of personal development aimed at developing the inner strength to NOT take things personally. Reacting emotionally wastes power and blinds one from recognizing the golden opportunity to succeed that present in every situation. One of the most valuable success secrets is simply this: Reacting emotionally is the opposite of professionalism because it holds one back from professional progress. When you take something personall
To enjoy happy, healthy relationships you need to know how to reach people. Reaching someone occurs naturally; it’s an organic process. Difficult people are not necessarily unreachable. It just requires more patience and skill for building relationships with them. When you attempt to communicate with someone you may find an open, pleasant “circuit” that seems to effortlessly link the two of you. When this happens, it means that you and the other are “ripe” for relationshi
Our parental “job” includes instilling wisdom in our children. There are good reasons why parents would like to find an alte ative to using the word “No” with their children. You don’t want to HAVE to motivate your child to “do the right thing.” Wouldn’t you love sensible ideas to bring as much inspiration to your kids as, say, the idea of shooting off firecrackers? Having to frequently say ‘No’ can make parenting exhausting, and it causes some parents to feel that they are b
I was recently discussing a so-called “relationship problem” with a young lady. She is 35 years old and though she says that she desperately wanted to be married with children by now, it hasn’t happened. This relationship goal of hers has been her target for a dozen years, and each year that “happily ever after” life has eluded her she has grown more unhappier with her life. She complains that all the single men that she meets turn out to be “losers”. (Another unhappy rel
When it comes to parenting wisdom, no principle may be more important than how we speak to our children. What we say to our children impacts them deeply. When we feel frustrated with our kids, it’s best to practice the parent wisdom of silence. Under the influence of a disturbed emotional reaction to a child behavior challenge, we are most likely to say something that negatively impacts child self-esteem, self-confidence and performance. What we say to our children forms thei
Worrying and feeling discouraged about your future will not help you one bit. The more clearly and consistently you focus on your goal, and the more effective your action, the more quickly you can succeed. They certainly are not what we can call “steps to success”! On the contrary, they distract one’s focus and they drain one’s power, hindering successful action. So why do people slip into worry and discouragement? The answer is quite simple: HABIT. Indulging in feelings of d
We plan to have a family based on the dream of family harmony. But supporting a family emotionally and financially is not that easy. The bigger the family the more directions you are pulled in at one time. If you parent more than one child you know how hard it can be when both children demand your undivided attention at the same time, while the phone is ringing, dinner is cooking and your mate is trying tell you something important. At the same you might look around at your h
Children are their parents! More specifically, how a child behaves, the child’s mood patterns, attitudes, ways of communicating and emotionally reacting – even thought patterns - all reflect their parents to a significant extent. In a sense, raising children means raising ourselves. In my parenting classes, parents quickly realize how their children’s behavior problems demonstrate behaviors those parents themselves have modeled. Some of the most powerful parenting advice
Here is a wisdom secret that you may be glad to receive: Every experience in life advances you toward your most deeply desired goals. When I first really “got” this wisdom message, my heart leaped with joy and my entire perspective on life shifted for the better. Even when it APPEARS that you are encountering a disappointing outcome, you are actually moving forward toward the outcome your heart desires. There is really only one direction in life’s flow, and that is UP and INT
The quality of our marriage impacts every part of our lives. When there is stress and strife in a relationship, we lose motivation, focus and even self-respect. To achieve happy, healthy life-success, you need to be in positive, harmonious relationships. When an important relationship is going well, you feel free to focus your full power into achieving the goals in life that are most important to you. But relationship problems fester and our emotions enter turbulence and we
Even the best relationships have problems. Sooner or later, even if you start out believing that you are with your soul mate, relationship issues inevitably arise. As hard as we work to resolve our issues, though, typically very little progress is made. Despite relationship counseling, most often, we just learn to live with what we don’t like about the relationship, or we leave and learn to live without it. There is an alte ative. Here is some free relationship advice tha
Even great relationships have problems. Sooner or later, even if you find your soulmate and marry him or her, marital issues are BOUND to arise. As hard as we work to resolve our relationship issues, though, we usually feel stuck in them. Even if you attend the very best marriage counseling, you will very likely find that after all of the airing of issues, the issues continue to divide the relationship. There is an alte ative. It is a bit unusual, but so is a really happy
Our lives send us through ups and downs. We expect that we will find a “key” that will unlock the mystery of perennial happiness, total clarity about what is going on, a firm and unending grasp upon the helm of our lives. But inevitably, as night follows day, we find ourselves back in the pit of despair, longing, uncertainty, powerlessness, dread, discouragement and grief. That is when we need grief counseling self-work. Rather than resist your dark cycle or judge yourself
As a school teacher, it can help you better handle student discipline challenges by understanding how they often originate. Children become like their parents! This fact can do more than enhance parenting success – it also proves helpful to teachers. You see child behavior, moodiness, classroom attitudes, ways of communicating and emotionally reacting all reflect the parents’ modes of self-expression to a significant extent. The student who displays hostility toward author
Maintaining classroom order depends upon the teacher’s ability to maintain his or her own state of inner order, which can be described as a state of authentic peace and poise. Some students are quite skilled at “triggering” teachers out of their peace and poise and into a state of insecurity. These bossy or defiant students effectively trigger the teacher’s insecurity by creating classroom disorder with impunity. An extreme example of this is the seventh grader who recentl
Some bosses are quite skilled at “psyching” an employee into doubting the value of his or her contribution to the organization. An example of this is the president of a company who recently tried to “show up” his sales director by taking over a sales meeting in an effort to prove to everyone present that he, the president of the company, could do a better job. There are bosses who will publically insult an employee in a leadership position to achieve the same result. One o
Your financial situation is a product of your application of the amazing creative power contained in your thoughts. You manifest the economic conditions you think about. In other words, your material affluence or financial struggle is a reflection of the thoughts you have been thinking. Your thoughts are your links with material supply. You apply thought's phenomenal manifestation power to produce what you anticipate, whether you anticipate financial triumph or financial
Positive Discipline is about teaching children, in a loving way that preserves their healthy self-esteem, to behave well ON THEIR OWN. It is also about teaching children to heed our directions when we need to direct. We teach children to IGNORE our directions, and our corrections, when deliver them incorrectly. Parenting skills therefore need to include knowing when to NOT direct, to give the child a chance to develop responsible behavior on his own. And also knowing HOW t
Despite the old adage that "kids don't come with instructions", any parent who actually believes this has never attended really meaningful parenting classes or read any of the great books or checked out any of the great websites on child behavior and development. While not all parenting classes, books and websites are worthwhile, some do present essential insights and invaluable tips for parents that can make a huge difference in raising kids. Parenting classes based on the
One of the biggest pet peeves that parents who are raising kids have is talking back. Believe it or not, there are children out there that do not talk back to their parents or anyone else, for that matter. These children also tend to do very well in school because they are respectful to their teachers as well. Raising kids to be respectful is important. In The Beginning There Were Rules Raising kids is the most difficult job you will ever have in your life. Teaching your chi
Many children have a terrible fear of the dark. This can be trying for both the parent and the child. There is help for parents who are trying to help their children overcome their fears of the dark. Raising kids is a tough enough job but a child who is afraid of the dark can make raising kids even more trying. Positive parenting experts suggest that the best help for parents who are raising kids that are afraid of the dark is simply to have patience. Acknowledge Your Child’s
Most children begin to lose their primary teeth anywhere between the ages of six and seven years. This is a normal child development stage however; every child reacts differently to losing their teeth. Hopefully, your child has had regular dental visits to prevent premature loss of his teeth. Your family dentist probably offers tips for parents about child behavior when they begin to lose their primary teeth. Before That First Wiggly Tooth Many children go into an outright p
Perhaps the most important key to raising children is raising ourselves. The best form of help for parents is self-help. Raising kids with sanity and skill demands that we grow. One of the best tips for parents is to pursue continual self-improvement. Your level of success and fulfillment in raising your children reflects your level of focused awareness, knowledge, emotional self-control, empathy and communication skills. You can always grow in these areas! As you fulfill yo
Potty training can be a trying time for both the child and the parent. We all want to get our children out of expensive diapers as quickly as possible. Not only can they be nasty to change, they can kill your bank account and oftentimes, the child gets an uncomfortable diaper rash. It’s important to recognize child behavior before making an attempt at potty training your child. Every child is different. You’ll need to know which of the child development stages your child is
Many people are afraid to ask for help learning to parent their children because it oftentimes makes them feel like they are inadequate. Nothing is farther from the truth. Asking for parenting help simply shows that you want to become the best parent that you possibly can be. That’s honorable and wise and in no way, shape or form shows that you are inept. Knowing about the different parenting styles will help you to find the best way to handle your own children. There are ma
One of the crucial parenting skills for achieving the results you want involves paying attention to your child’s reaction to YOUR reaction. Observing the CONSEQUENCES of how you interact with your child reveals that your reactions are not just an effect of your child’s behavior, but also a CAUSE of your child’s behavior. For instance, reacting to your child with much annoyance, complaining, criticalness and disapproval actually programs the child, on a subconscious level, t
Relationships between parents and children are constantly changing throughout life. When you have a newborn, it seems like the umbilical cord is still attached because they depend on you for everything. The parent and infant relationship at that point is always blissful although it is an exhausting time. As children grow so do your parenting skills. You begin to learn about different forms of child discipline and wonder which method is best. There is no definitive way to rai
Good parenting supports the child’s goodness. This is an INSIDE job, because “goodness” is an intrinsic quality. We can define the child’s “goodness” as: * Her genuine manifestation of love * His radiance of pure innocence * The heart-touching expression of herchild’s inner, spiritual beauty To support your child’s goodness, you have to CONSCIOUSLY connect with the child’s heart. Blindly reacting with annoyance to the child’s behavior may break the child’s trust and so b
This article presents a parenting guide for stress-free child behavior management. Maintain order in your home in an orderly way. When the children become chaotic, concentrate on not letting the chaos get to you. Instead, maintain your calm, confident demeanor and proceed to handle things in a patient, step-by-step manner. In this way you will gradually increase the order and avoid empowering the chaos. For amazing parent help, practice CONSCIOUS parenting. Remember to rema
To be in charge in child-parent relationships, parents will find great help by practicing a calm, confident, and loving in-charge attitude. Too often the parent acts as though the child needs to behave in a way that proves the parent is in charge for the parent to express that attitude. When children behave in ways that cause the parent to feel out of control, helpless, powerless and even somewhat victimized, the parent demonstrates a need to develop a more resilient in-cha
We usually think of defiance as a negative trait. But that thinking is overly simplistic. There are situations when parents WANT children to demonstrate defiance. Don’t you want your child to defy peer pressure that would lead her into irresponsible self-conduct? When your child faces a situation where the odds seem stacked against him, if the goal is worth striving, you want him to defy those odds, don’t you? If your child has a dream and a negative person advises her to
Much has been written about the power of positive thinking. But to fully harness your power to succeed, you need to be careful to avoid the common mistake of underestimating the influence of NEGATIVE thinking. Thinking positively and thinking negatively exert the same form of influence over our lives: that is, we bring about what we think about. To apply positive thought-power, visualize success by “drawing” in your imagination a mental image of yourself succeeding. This
How you feel, on the emotional level, draws you into a destiny that resonates with that feeling. When you feel confident, things tend to work out almost effortlessly and automatically. This is because your genuine attitude of confidence generates a kind of magnetic influence that draws together all the elements necessary to align your circumstances with your positive expectations. The anxiety and discouragement we feel when we worry about a possible disappointment literall
Here is the most important and powerful "secret" for achieving prosperity that you will ever learn: YOU ARE THE CREATOR OF YOUR OWN ECONOMY. There are countless success skills that you can develop, like time management, organizational ability, anger and stress management, communication skills, and the various specific proficiencies connected with your particular line of work. And all of those are important. But by far the most important form of personal development to pursu
Do you believe that children cause their parents to react with anger and stress? If, for example, children tell their parents a sharp "No!" in response to a direction or request, must their parents become upset, or do parents have better options? The fact is that you can always improve your reactions to some degree. But as long as you believe that another person or your situation gives you no choice but to react in any particular way, you give up your power to change. Childre
In the parent-child relationship, regard your child’s attitudes and behaviors as reflections of your own. The 3-year-old who has been displaying“strong-willed” tendencies sinceearly infancy is most likely portraying the strong-willed character of a parent. While you can look at this as a genetic condition, you can almost always find that relating with the child in certain ways leads the child into more cooperative behavior. Tips for parents of “strong willed” children: Avoid
Watch the child closely to recognize when you are really needed to step in to lend support verbally or physically, but give the child enough freedom to discover his safe limits for himself. Raising children well involves a careful balance of providing the child with independence and intervention. Avoid physically dominating your child in an over-protective manner. Instead, alertly SPOT your child, whatever her age, when she is, say, attempting to climb up a tree. As your chil
Being a parent is the toughest job on the planet. There are no simple tips or easy ways to handle child behavior. Kids are merely little adults that have a lifetime of learning in front of them. They need to learn how to behave as well as what is expected from them at an early age. Children are like sponges and love to suck in all of the information that surrounds them. With good parenting skills, you will be able to incorporate proper behavior into their life’s lessons. If y
Each week, select one of these tips to focus on. You might jot the affirmation down onto an index card, so you can review the affirmation often throughout the day, to help you stay on track. “This week I will remember to maintain my peace and poise, understanding that I place my child in charge when he or she can make me react, and that in true peace and poise I have the clearest judgment and enjoy the blessed opportunity of parenting my child.” “This week I will remember th
Here are twelve mother quotes regarding parenting that fathers can certainly benefit from pondering: I understand that how I see my child in my mind is a form of self-fulfilling prophecy. I envision my child as a winner, as I feel confident in my child’s ability to successfully meet life’s challenges. To be the best mother I can be, I seek out, contemplate and strive to incorporate positive tips for parenting. I believe in my own ability to lead a successful life, understand
Ralph Waldo Emerson is considered by many to be the most eloquent American composer of wisdom essays. In the 19th Century he penned incredibly poetic, even incendiary inspirational words that echo the spirit of his genius through the corridors of time. Here is one marvelous example: "Great men are they who see that spiritual is stronger than material force, that thoughts rule the world." Contained in these inspirational words are two immense ideas that sum up the core messag
One positive discipline influence often overlooked by parents has to do with the quality of the child’s surroundings and routine. To behave well, children need a number of essential ingredients. Among these are: 1.An orderly, stable home environment 1.An orderly daily routiner Both of these are necessary for the child to develop and demonstrate orderly behavior, orderly thinking, and balanced emotions. A significant contributing factor to a child’s unruly behavior is exposing